


The Dead Men - Book 1

by kaisantrash



Series: The Dead Men War [1]
Category: Skulduggery Pleasant - Derek Landy
Genre: AU, Book 1: Skulduggery Pleasant, Dead Men AU, F/F, F/M, M/M, OC
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-08
Updated: 2018-02-23
Packaged: 2019-03-15 10:24:12
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 17
Words: 32,173
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13611393
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kaisantrash/pseuds/kaisantrash
Summary: Twelve year old Stephanie Edgley was just attending her favourite uncle's funeral when she spots a strange man standing far off, a beautiful woman's arm hooked through his.Less than a week later she's thrust into the world of magic and sorcerers, trained by the best of the best; The Dead Men.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [Skulduggery Pleasant: The Dead Men](https://archiveofourown.org/works/871555) by [purplejabberwocky](https://archiveofourown.org/users/purplejabberwocky/pseuds/purplejabberwocky). 



> Hey everyone! This fic series (hopefully I stick to this long enough to be a series) is inspired by purplejabberwocky and amaraqwolf 's Dead Men Alive AU! However they didn't finish the series and so I thought I would do my own :)

Stephanie Edgley stood next to her mother, a lump in her throat as the service went on. Her eyes drifted lazily around the audience - Could you call them an audience? Or were they guests? - until they rested on the odd couple that stood behind the sitting crowd.

Stephanie wondered who they were. The odd pair was made up of a tall, thin man who wore a long tan coat that was buttoned up to his face, despite the hot weather. He wore a scarf that was wrapped around his neck and puffed up to cover his mouth. To top off the strange outfit, he was wearing a pair of big sunglasses with a huge hat that dipped low, shadowing his face.

On his arm stood a thin, willowy woman who wore a long black dress that also went up to her throat. Unlike the covered up man, her arms were bare, showcasing her dark skin. She was, quite frankly, beautiful, Stephanie thought. The woman had a face that stood out on the covers of fashion magazines and the like.

Almost like she felt she was being watched, the woman shifted her head slightly and met Stephanie's eyes. Stephanie gulped, shifting her gaze towards the man conducting the service.

000000000000

Stephanie felt her mother, Melissa place her hand on her arm, "Honey, why don't you get something to eat?" She murmured to her daughter. Stephanie nodded, thankful to get out of the crowd of strangers who had come to offer their condolences, armed with crocodile tears and fake stories about how much Gordon Edgley had meant to them.

Stephanie grabbed a couple of sandwiches before looking around quickly to make sure no one was watching as she ducked upstairs towards Gordon's private wing where his office was. 

The sandwiches were first class but that was too be expected when your dead uncle's dying wish was to serve his guests with the finest catering that Ireland had to offer even when he couldn't stand sandwiches.

Too distracted with her food, she twisted the doorknob of her uncle's office, walking in before freezing. 

"Ah..." The weird man from the cemetery was slightly bent over as he looked up from peering at the old books that Gordon kept under lock and key.

Stephanie swallowed, her sandwich in hand. The beautiful woman - which Stephanie had named her - was leaning against the desk, her arms crossed. She straightened up with a blinding smile. "You must be Stephanie," She remarked, holding her hand out to shake the younger girl's, "Gordon's told us so much abut his favourite niece."

Stephanie hastily swapped her sandwich hands and shook the woman's. "I'm Satya Eka and this," The woman waved at the thin man, "-is Skulduggery Pleasant."

The man had also straightened up and shook Stephanie's outstretched hand, "I'm sorry for your loss." Stephanie didn't know what to say to this. Thank you? I'm sorry too?

"He was a great man - a complete  _idiot_ \- but great," The man-  _Skulduggery_ \- commented. Satya snorted, shaking her head, "Way to speak ill of the dead," She said with a twisted smile.

"Never stopped you lot," Skulduggery replied. Stephanie felt completely lost, "You talk like you knew him well," She cut in, meeting Satya's eyes. They were a warm, chocolaty brown.

Skulduggery had gone back to peering at the off-limits books, "You could say that," He murmured. 

"We've known Gordon for many years," Satya answered Stephanie's not-actually-a-question question, "We helped him research for a few books."

"Some would say that  _we_ were the inspiration for his novels," Skulduggery said off handedly.  

"What? You two run around in a world full of magic and people with the ability to control the elements?" Stephanie said with a snort. Satya smiled but said nothing, not having to say anything as her phone let out a chime.

She pulled it out of her bag and frowned, "Skul-" She reached and placed a hand on his arm, "Dexter needs us."

Skulduggery nodded and turned to face Stephanie, "It was a pleasure to meet you, Stephanie," He said, "I'm sure if we had more time I would have been able to woo you with tales of your uncle's exploits."

"Ah..." She blinked, "What a shame?" She offered. Satya snorted, hooking her arm through Skulduggery's, "It was a pleasure," She said with a warm smile, "I expect we'll be seeing you soon- Walk us out?"

Stephanie nodded, feeling slightly cheated for not being able to stay upstairs longer. The odd couple followed her back downstairs and towards the door. 

She suddenly stopped and ducked behind the doorway with a hiss in pain, her elbow knocking against the wood. 

"Alright?" Satya asked in concern. "Yeah," Stephanie answered with a grimace, "Just the toxic twins - My cousins."

"Ah," Skulduggery nodded in understanding, "Gordon isn't fond of them - Or Beryl and Fergus for that matter." 

Satya shook her head in amusement, "Fergus isn't very fond of you either, don't forget," She reminded him. Stephanie started walking again once the coast was clear. 

"Here we go," She said awkwardly once they were outside. "Thank you so much," The woman thanked her warmly. Skulduggery didn't say anything as they walked towards where the cars were parked.

With a strange sensation crawling up her spine, Stephanie turned around and went back into the mansion.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I kinda forgot to mention I was adding an OC: Satya!

Stephanie hated secondary school. That summer was the end of her first year at the school and she was already ready to leave the boring school. She just couldn't stop feeling like there was more to her- More to Stephanie Edgley.

She had spent her days so far either helping out at her father's office - filing for his construction company (How Desmond Edgley could run a construction company without stabbing himself with a nail gun was beyond her). When she wasn't filing, she was at the beach, swimming or tanning.

Stephanie was in her room, trying to look for the charger for her mobile phone after the funeral, shifting her last year's school books off her desk as she searched. 

Melissa walked in, still dressed in the clothes she had worn to the funeral unlike her daughter who had switched to her jeans and t-shirt as soon as she walked into the house.

"Gordon's lawyer just called," Melissa said, sounding slightly stunned, "He wants us at the reading of Gordon's will tomorrow."

Stephanie looked up with interest, "What do you think he left you guys?" She asked, wincing as she dug into small space between her desk and the wall. "Gotcha," She muttered, pulling out her charger.

"I don't know- But I guess you'll find out tomorrow when you come with," Melissa said, waiting for the girl's reaction.

"I'm coming with?" Stephanie frowned. 

“Your name’s on the list; that’s all I know. We’re leaving at ten, okay?” Stephanie nodded, running a hand through her hair, upsetting her ponytail. 

They left for the lawyer’s at a quarter past ten the next morning, fifteen minutes later than planned thanks to Stephanie’s father’s casual disregard for punctuality. He ambled through the house, looking like there was something he’d forgotten and he was just waiting for it to occur to him again. He nodded and smiled whenever his wife told him to hurry up, said, “Yes, absolutely,” and just before he was due to join them in the car, he meandered off again, looking around with a dazed expression.

“He does this on purpose,” Melissa said as they sat in the car, seat belts on and ready to go. They watched him appear at the front door, shrug into his jacket, tuck in his shirt, go to step out, and then pause.

Stephanie snorted, shaking her head before asking her mother, "Why does he look like he's about to sneeze?" Melissa shook her head, "You father- I love him but he can have the memory of a goldfish sometimes."

After realising he had forgotten his shoes, Desmond walked back into the house before finally reappearing and getting into the car.  He strapped on the seat belt and turned the key.

The drive took just over an hour and they arrived twenty minutes late. They were led up a staircase to an office where Fergus and Beryl, Stephanie's less than pleasant uncle and aunt, sat. They looked less than happy to have been kept waiting.

"Now can we get started?" Beryl snapped.

The lawyer, a short and stout man called Mr Fedgewick shook his head with a smile that looked more like a grimace, "We are still waiting on a couple more people."

"Who?" Fergus exclaimed, "We're the only siblings- Who is it? It better not be some charity-"

"It's not a charity," Mr Fedgewick cut in, "It's a group called-" He peered down at his book, "The Dead Men? Gordon requested two representatives. They did say they would be late."

"Who's they?" Desmond asked, looking puzzled. "We're waiting on a-" Again, Mr Fedgewick looked down at his book, "A Satya Eka and Skulduggery Pleasant."

Stephanie blinked in surprise. Satya had said they were good friends but she didn't realise how close they were.

“Well, who on Earth is that?” asked Beryl, irritated. “He sounds like a … he sounds like a … Fergus, what does he sound like?”     

Fergus had pales considerably, his mouth wide open as he glared at the lawyer.

The lawyer faltered under his glare, about to answer just as the door opened and in walked in Satya, followed by Skulduggery. Stephanie wanted to burst out laughing at the expression on her aunt's face as they walked in. Skulduggery looked as strange as he did the day before at the funeral, with his faced covered with the scarf, sunglasses and hat that sat on seemingly uncontrolled fuzzy brown hair as well as a thick, long overcoat. Satya, however, looked simply yet elegant, swapping her dress for tight high waisted jeans and a white and floral printed blouse. What had brought on Beryl's horrified expression was Satya's heels. Sure, they were simple peach heels but they were a good two inches off the ground.

"Sorry, we're late," Skulduggery said, his velvety voice escaping the mask, "It was unavoidable, I'm afraid."

"You're Skulduggery Pleasant? And Satya Eka on behalf of the Dead Men?" Mr Fedgewick sounded slightly unnerved. Satya just nodded with a small smile, before meeting Stephanie's eyes, her smile widening and seeming more genuine.

"At your service," Skulduggery said, a slight hint of sarcasm coming through. 

Her mother, uncertain as she was, had smiled her greetings, but her father was looking at him with an expression of wariness she had never seen on his face before. After a moment, the expression left him and he nodded politely and looked back to Mr. Fedgewick. Fergus and Beryl were still staring.

"Is there something wrong with your face?" Beryl asked rudely to Skulduggery.

"He's hideously disfigured," Satya answered, her expression one of both amusement and mock sympathy as she patted the man's arm, "Accident when he was a child."

Stephanie couldn't tell seeing as he wore dark sunglasses but she was sure he was glaring at Satya, his head tilted towards her.

Mr. Fedgewick cleared his throat again. “Okay, then, let’s get down to business, now that we’re all here. Excellent. Good. This, of course, being the last will and testament of Gordon Edgley, last revised almost one year ago. Gordon has been a client of mine for the past twenty years, and in that time, I got to know him well, so let me pass on to you, his family and—and friend, my deepest, deepest—”

“Yes yes yes,” Fergus interrupted, waving his hand in the air. “Can we just skip this part? We’re already running behind schedule. Let’s go to the part where we get stuff. Who gets the house? And who gets the villa?”

“Who gets the fortune?” Beryl asked, leaning forward in her seat.

“The royalties,” Fergus said. “Who gets the royalties from the books?”

Stephanie glanced at Skulduggery Pleasant from the corner of her eye. He was standing back against the wall, hands in his pockets, looking at the lawyer. Well, he seemed to be looking at the lawyer; with those sunglasses, he could have been looking anywhere. Satya Eka had opted to sit on a chair next to him, with one leg over the other. She too was looking at the lawyer.

“‘To my brother Fergus, and his beautiful wife, Beryl,’” he read, and Stephanie did her best to hide a grin, “‘I leave my car, and my boat, and a gift.’”

Fergus let out a sound that was cross between a cat hiss and a roar - it came out as a squeak, "A car?" He exclaimed, "His boat? He knew I get sea sick!"

Stephanie felt her lips turn upwards slightly and quickly worked to make sure they stayed in a thin line.

“And we already have a car,” Beryl said.

“And we already have a car!” Fergus repeated.

Beryl was sitting so far up on her chair that she was almost on the desk. “This gift,” she said, her voice low and threatening, “is it the fortune?”

Mr. Fedgewick coughed nervously and took a small box from his desk drawer and slid it toward them. They looked at this box. They looked some more. They both reached for it at the same time, and Stephanie watched them slap at each other’s hands until Beryl snatched it off the desk and tore the lid open.

“What is it?” Fergus asked in a small voice. “Is it a key to a safety-deposit box? Is it, is it an account number? Is it … what is it? Wife, what is it?”

All color had drained from Beryl’s face, and her hands were shaking. She blinked hard to keep the tears away; then she turned the box for everyone to see, and everyone saw a brooch, about the size of a drinks coaster, nestled on a plush cushion. Fergus stared at it.

Again, Stephanie had to keep her mouth in check, she turned her head to look away from the brooch that stirred up the bubble of laughter in her throat. She caught Satya tilting her head to look at Skulduggery, a smile on her lips as she spoke, too quiet and quick to catch.

"It doesn't even have any jewels on it," Beryl croaked. She and Fergus looked at Mr Fedgewick almost beseechingly. "What else do we get?" Fergus asked, desperately.

Mr Fedgewick looked slightly confused, "Your brother's love?" The answer sounded more like a question.

“‘To my good friend and guide Skulduggery Pleasant, I leave the following advice: Your path is your own, and I have no wish to sway you, but sometimes the greatest enemy we can face is ourselves, and the greatest battle is against the darkness within. There is a storm coming, and sometimes the key to safe harbor is hidden from us, and sometimes it is right before our eyes.’”

With the exception of Satya, everyone turned to stare at Skulduggery. He offered no explanation of the 'gift' and just tilted his head forward, as if contemplating his dear friend's words.

Fergus patted his wife’s knee. “See, Beryl? A car, a boat, a brooch; it’s not that bad. He could have given us some stupid advice.”

Beryl just sniffed.

"'To my dear friends, the Dead Men who we have spent many years adventuring." Satya sat straighter, her forehead creased into a slight frown. "'I leave the books in my office, in the hopes that they may be of some use to you.'"

With that, Mr Fedgewick produced a small box, holding what Stephanie assumed was the key to the case that locked away the forbidden books. Satya took the box, thanking the lawyer and held the box, her expression grave.

Mr. Fedgewick read on. “‘To my other brother, Desmond, the lucky one of the family: I leave to you your wife; I think you might like her.’” Stephanie saw her parents clasp each other’s hands and smile sadly. “‘So now that you’ve successfully stolen my girlfriend, maybe you’d like to take her to my villa in France, which I am also leaving to you.’”

"They get the villa!" Beryl exclaimed. "Do you know how much that villa is worth?” Beryl continued, looking like she might lunge at Stephanie’s parents. “We get a brooch, they get a villa? There are only three of them! We’ve got Carol and Crystal! We have more! We could do with the extra space! Why do they deserve the villa?” She thrust the box toward them. “Swap!”

“Mrs. Edgley, please retake your seat or we shall be unable to continue,” Mr. Fedgewick said, and eventually, after much bug-eyed glaring, Beryl sat down.

“Thank you,” Mr. Fedgewick said, looking like he had had quite enough excitement for one day. He licked his lips, adjusted his glasses, and peered again at the will. “‘If there is one regret that I have had in my life, it is that I never fathered any children. There are times, when I look at what Fergus and Beryl have produced, when I consider myself fortunate, but there are also times when it breaks my heart. And so, finally, to my niece Stephanie.’”

Stephanie froze as everyone's eyes set on hers. Her aunt's and uncle's gaze were hateful and furious while her parents' were curious. Satya's was more sympathetic than anything.

Fedgewick continued reading. “‘The world is bigger than you know, and scarier than you might imagine. The only currency worth anything is being true to yourself, and the only goal worth seeking is finding out who you truly are.’”

She could feel Fergus and Beryl glaring at her, and she did her best to ignore them.

“‘Make your parents proud, and make them glad to have you living under their roof, because I leave to you my property and possessions, my assets and my royalties, to be inherited on the day you turn eighteen. I’d just like to take this opportunity to say that, in my own way, I love you all, even those I don’t particularly like. That’s you, Beryl.’”

Stephanie gaped at the lawyer. She hadn’t a clue what she was supposed to say. Fergus was again doing his startled-fish impression, and Beryl was pointing one long, bony finger at her, trying to speak but failing. Her parents were looking at her in stunned surprise. Only Skulduggery moved towards the door. Satya got up as well, hooking her arm through his.

“Congratulations,” He said, dipping his hat. Satya smiled at her one last time, her heels clicking as they both left. As soon as the door shut, Beryl found her voice.

“Her?” she screamed. “Her?”

 


	3. Chapter 3

That afternoon, Stephanie and her mother made the fifteen-minute drive from Haggard to Gordon’s estate. Her mum opened the front door and stepped back.

“Owner of the house goes first,” she said with a little smile and a bow, and Stephanie stepped inside. She wasn’t thinking of this house as her property; the idea was too big, too silly. Even if her parents were, technically, the custodians until she turned eighteen, how could she own a house? How many other twelve-year-olds owned houses?

No, it was too silly an idea. Too far-fetched. Too crazy. Exactly the kind of thing that Gordon would have thought made perfect sense.

Stephanie zoned out as her mother began commenting on little things like the furniture. Gordon had good taste, Melissa said.

They hadn’t decided what they were going to do. Any decision to do with this house was left up to Stephanie, but her parents still had the villa to consider. Owning three houses between them seemed a bit much. Her father had suggested selling the villa, but her mother hated the thought of letting go of a place so idyllic.

They had also talked about Stephanie’s education, and she knew that conversation was far from over. The moment they had left Mr. Fedgewick’s office, they warned her not to let all this go to her head. Recent events, they had said, should not mean she could stop studying, stop planning for college. She needed to be independent, they said; she needed to make it on her own.

Stephanie let them talk, and nodded occasionally and muttered an agreement where an agreement was appropriate. She didn’t bother to explain that she knew she needed college, knew she needed to find her own way in the world, because if she didn’t, she’d never escape Haggard. She wasn’t about to throw her future away simply because she was going to come into some money.

She and her mother spent so long looking around the ground floor that by the time they got to the bottom of the stairs, it was already five o’clock. With their exploring done for the day, they locked up and walked toward the car. A first few drops of rain splattered against the windshield as they got in. Stephanie clicked her seat belt closed, and her mother turned the key in the ignition.

The car spluttered a bit, groaned a little, and then shut up altogether. Her mother looked at her.

“Uh-oh.”

They both got out and went around to the front and opened the hood.

“Well,” her mother said, looking at the engine, “at least that’s still there.”

“Do you know anything about engines?” Stephanie asked.

“That’s why I have a husband, so I don’t have to. Engines and shelves, that’s why men were invented.”

Stephanie made a mental note to learn about engines before she turned eighteen. She wasn’t too fussed about the shelves.

After calling Desmond- who couldn't get away from the construction site he was working on - Melissa called a tow truck. 

"He said there's only space for one person," She said with a sigh, "You'll have to sit on my knee."

 _"Mum!"_ Melissa shrugged helplessly. Stephanie stopped for a moment then hesitated, "Or I could stay here?" She offered.

Melissa bit her lip, "Alone? Are you sure?" Stephanie nodded, "Sure, I want to look around again - Clear my head," She said, "You can pick me up tomorrow after work or something."

Her mother sighed, "Okay, fine- I'll call you when I get home, okay? There should still be some leftovers in the kitchen." She kissed her cheek before hurrying out just as the truck beeped, signalling it's arrival.

Stephanie watched their car being towed off into the distance, and then it vanished from sight.

She did a little more exploring, now that she was on her own. She climbed the stairs and went straight to Gordon’s study.

His publisher, Seamus T. Steepe of Arc Light Books, had phoned them earlier that day, passing on his condolences and inquiring about the state of Gordon’s last book. Her mother had told him that they’d find out if Gordon had completed it, and if he had, they’d send it on. Mr. Steepe was very keen to get the book on the shelves, certain that it would crash onto the bestseller list and stay there for a long time. “Dead writers sell,” he had said, like he approved of Gordon’s clever marketing ploy.

Stephanie opened a desk drawer and found the manuscript in a neat stack. She pulled it out carefully and laid it on the desktop, careful not to smudge the paper. The first page held the title, nothing more, in bold lettering:

And the Darkness Rained upon Them.

The manuscript was thick and heavy, like all of Gordon’s books. She’d read most of them and, the odd splash of pretension aside, had quite enjoyed his work. His stories tended to be about people who could do astonishing and wonderful things, and the strange and terrible events that invariably led up to their bizarre and horrible deaths. She noticed the way he would set up a strong and noble hero and, over the course of the book, systematically subject his hero to brutal punishment in a bid to strip away all his arrogance and certainty, so that by the end he was humbled and had learned a great lesson. And then Gordon killed him off, usually in the most undignified way possible. Stephanie could almost hear Gordon laughing with mischievous glee as she read.

She lifted the title page and carefully laid it facedown on the desk beside the manuscript. She started reading. She didn’t mean to spend long at it, but soon she was devouring every word, oblivious to the creaking old house and the rain outside.

Her mobile phone rang, making her jump. She had been reading for two hours. She thumbed the answer button and held it to her ear.

“Hi, sweetie,” came her mother’s voice. “Everything okay?”

“Yes,” she answered. “Just reading.”

“You’re not reading one of Gordon’s books, are you? Steph, he writes about horrible monsters and scary stuff and bad people doing worse things. It’ll give you nightmares.”

“No, Mum, I’m … I’m reading the dictionary.”

Even the brief silence from the other end of the phone was skeptical. “The dictionary?” her mother said. “Really?”

“Yeah,” Stephanie said. “Did you know that popple is a word?”

“You are stranger than your father, you know that?”

“I suspected. … So is the car fixed yet?”

"No," Melissa sighed, "And the road up to the house is flooded so even if you wanted me to pick you up early, I can't."

Stephanie just said, "Mum, it’s fine, you don’t have to. I’m okay here.” Melissa sighed again, "I know- That house just gives me the shivers."

Stephanie shook her head with a smile, "Bye, Mum. Love you." 

"Bye, sweetie. I love you too."

Stephanie hung up and grinned. She slipped the phone back into her jacket and put her feet up on the desk, relaxing in the chair, and went back to reading.

When she looked up again, she was surprised to find that it was almost midnight and the rain had stopped. If she were home right now, she’d be in bed. She blinked, her eyes sore, and stood up from the desk and went downstairs to the kitchen. For all his wealth and success and extravagant tastes, Stephanie was thankful that when it came to food, Gordon was a pretty standard guy. The bread was stale and the fruit was a bit too ripe, but there were biscuits and there was cereal, and the milk in the fridge was still good for one more day. She made herself a snack and wandered into the living room, where she flicked on the TV. She sat on the couch and was just getting comfy when the house phone rang.

She looked at it, resting there on the table at her elbow. Who would be calling? Anyone who knew Gordon had died wouldn’t be calling, because they’d know he had died, and she didn’t really want to be the one to tell anyone who didn’t know. It could be her parents—but then why didn’t they just call her mobile?

Figuring that as the new owner of the house it was her responsibility to answer her own phone, Stephanie picked it up. “Hello?”

Silence.

“Hello?” Stephanie repeated.

“Who is this?” came a man’s voice.

“I’m sorry,” Stephanie said, “who are you looking for?”

“Who is this?” responded the voice, more irritably this time.

“If you’re looking for Gordon Edgley,” Stephanie said, “I’m afraid that he’s—”

“I know Edgley’s dead,” snapped the man. “Who are you? Your name?”

Stephanie hesitated. “Why do you want to know?” she asked.

“What are you doing in that house? Why are you in his house?”

“If you want to call back tomorrow—”

“I don’t want to, all right? Listen to me, girlie: If you mess up my master’s plans, he will be very displeased, and he is not a man you want to displease—you got that? Now tell me who you are!”

Stephanie realized her hands were shaking. She forced herself to calm down, and quickly found anger replacing her nervousness. “My name is none of your business,” she said. “If you want to talk to someone, call back tomorrow at a reasonable hour.”

“You don’t talk to me like that,” the man hissed.

“Good night,” Stephanie said firmly.

“You do not talk to me like—”

But Stephanie was already putting the phone down. Suddenly the idea of spending the whole night here wasn’t as appealing as it had first seemed. She considered calling her parents, then scolded herself for being so childish. No need to worry them, she thought; no need to worry them about something so childish-

Someone pounded on the front door.

“Open up!” came the man’s voice between the pounding. Stephanie got to her feet, staring through to the hall beyond the living room. She could see a dark shape behind the frosted glass around the front door. “Open the damn door!”

Stephanie backed up to the fireplace, her heart pounding in her chest. He knew she was in here—there was no use pretending that she wasn’t—but maybe if she stayed really quiet, he’d give up and go away. She heard him cursing, and the pounding grew so heavy that the front door rattled under the blows.

“Leave me alone!” Stephanie shouted.

“Open the door!”

“No!” she shouted back. She liked shouting; it disguised her fear. “I’m calling the police! I’m calling the police right now!”

The pounding stopped immediately, and she saw the shape move away from the door. Was that it? Had she scared him away? She thought of the back door—was it locked? Of course it was locked—it had to be locked. But she wasn’t sure, she wasn’t certain. She grabbed a poker from the fireplace and was reaching for the phone when she heard a knock on the window beside her.

She cried out and jumped back. The curtains were open, and outside the window was pitch-black. She couldn’t see a thing.

“Are you alone in there?” came the voice. It was teasing now, playing with her.

 _Crap_ , she thought, her eyes wide in fear.

“Go away,” she said loudly, holding up the poker so that he could see it. She heard the man laugh.

“What are you going to do with that?” he asked from outside.

“I’ll break your head open with it!” Stephanie screamed at him, fear and fury bubbling inside her. She heard him laugh again.

“I just want to come in,” he said. “Open the door for me, girlie. Let me come in.”

“The police are on their way,” she said.

“You’re a liar.”

Still she could see nothing beyond the glass, and he could see everything. She snatched the phone from its cradle.

“Don’t do that,” came the voice.

“I’m calling the police.”

“The road’s closed, girlie. You call them, I’ll break down that door and kill you hours before they get here.”

Fear became terror and Stephanie froze. She was going to cry. She could feel the tears welling up inside her. She hadn’t cried in years. “What do you want?” she said to the darkness. “Why do you want to come in?”

“It’s got nothing to do with me, girlie. I’ve just been sent to pick something up. Let me in; I’ll look around, get what I came here for, and leave. I won’t harm a pretty little hair on your pretty little head, I promise. Now you just open that door right this second.”

Stephanie gripped the poker in both hands and shook her head. She was crying now, tears rolling down her cheeks. “No,” she said.

She screamed as a fist smashed through the window, showering the carpet with glass. She stumbled back as the man started climbing in, glaring at her with blazing eyes, unmindful of the glass that cut into him. The moment his foot touched the floor inside the house, Stephanie bolted out of the room and over to the front door, fumbling at the lock.

Strong hands grabbed her from behind. She screamed again as she was lifted off her feet and carried back. She kicked out, slamming a heel into his shin. The man grunted and let go. Stephanie twisted, trying to swing the poker into his face, but he caught it and pulled it from her grasp. One hand went to her throat, and Stephanie gagged, unable to breathe as the man forced her back into the living room.

He pushed her into an armchair and leaned in on her. No matter how hard she tried, she could not break his grip.

“Now then,” the man said, his mouth contorting into a sneer, “Why don’t you just give me the key, little girlie?”

And that’s when the front door was flung off its hinges and three men burst into the house.

The man swore, momentarily distracted by the entrance of Skulduggery Pleasant and two men. 

Skulduggery moved straight to him and hit him so hard, Stephanie thought the man’s head might come off. He hit the ground and tumbled backward, but rolled to his feet.

One of the other men, a blond, beautiful man, threw out a hand, a stream of light erupting out out of his palm and hitting the man.  The bad guy stumbled back, his eyes rolling back into his head as he collapsed.

"You could've saved some for me," The other stranger commented.

Skulduggery ignored him, taking a step towards the shaking Stephanie.

But her eyes weren't on the unconscious man, they were on him - his head.

His  _bare head._

Because Skulduggery Pleasant's hat had fallen off, revealing the skull he had for a head. 

 


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I can see Satya being played by Shivani Ghai who's in the TV Show Dominion. Enjoy the chapter, y'all :)

"You're a skeleton," Stephanie said dumbly, "How is this even  _possible?"_

"Sorry about the door," The other man offered. Like the blond one, he was good looking but in a more typical, sharp jawed kind of way. 

Stephanie stared at him, "He's a skeleton!" She exclaimed. 

"We noticed," The blond one commented, taking a step towards the body he had taken out. 

"Is he d-dead?" She asked hesitantly. "No," Skulduggery answered. She couldn't tell but she felt he was looking her up and down, making sure she wasn't harmed in anyway.

"We'll pay to get it fixed," One of the men said, bending over to peer at the body., "He'll be up soon," He said to the other two.

Skulduggery turned and took off his coat, placing it neatly over one of Gordan's chairs.

Now that he didn’t have his coat on, Stephanie could truly appreciate how thin he really was. His suit, well tailored though it was, hung off him, giving it a shapeless quality. She watched him collect the broken glass, and saw a flash of bone between his shirtsleeve and glove. He stood up, looking back at her.

“Where should I put all this glass?”

“I don’t know,” Stephanie said in a quiet voice. 

“Gordon used to keep a trash can out at the back door; shall I put it in that?”

Stephanie nodded. “Yes, okay,” she said simply, and watched Skulduggery carry the armful of glass shards out of the room.

"Well," The blond, beautiful one said, "I'm Dexter Vex," he introduced himself before waving a hand at the other man, "And that's Erkskine Ravel."

The other man - Erkskine - gave her a salute before calling, "Skul- What do you want us to do?"

The skeleton walked back into the room, having disposed of the glass, "Dexter, stay here and clean up. We'll take Stephanie to Satya's- She'll be safe there."

Dexter nodded sharply, "And him?" He gestured at Stephanie's assailant. 

Stephanie had zoned out when Skulduggery walked in but snapped to attention when he asked, "Did you tell him your name?"

“What?”

“Your name. Did you tell him?”

“Uh, no …”

“Good. You know something’s true name, you have power over it. But even a given name, even Stephanie, would have been enough to do it.”

“To do what?”

“To give him some influence over you, to get you to do what he asked. If he had your name and he knew what to do with it, sometimes that’s all it takes. That’s a scary thought, now, isn’t it?”

“What’s going on?” Stephanie asked. “Who was he? What did he want? Just who are you?”

"I told you," Dexter said with a slightly twisted smile, "I'm Dexter, that's Erkskine and Skulduggery."

"As for him," Skulduggery cut in, picking up his wig and hat, “As for him, I don’t know who he is; never seen him before in my life.”

"You beat him up."

"Yes, I did."

"And  _he-"_ She pointed at Dexter, "Threw this weird light at him."

"Guilty," Dexter gave her a smile that made her feel like she had butterflies in her stomach.

"This is too weird," Stephanie managed out, sinking into an arm chair and holding her head in her hands.

"You're taking this far better than your uncle did," Dexter commented.

"Similar circumstances too, I think," Erskine said.

"But he was drunk," Skulduggery added, "And we were in a bar. And he had vomited on my shoes. So I suppose the actual circumstances aren’t overly similar, but both events include a meeting, so … My point is, he was having some trouble and we were there to lend a hand, and we became good friends after that. Good, good friends."

" _Anyway,"_ Dexter cleared his throat, "I suppose you'll want me to take him to the Sanctuary?" Skulduggery shook his head, "You don't have a car, get Hopeless to pick you up," He said before asking Stephanie, "When are you getting picked up?"

"Tomorrow evening," She answered, "Why? Where are you taking me?"

"You have two options, Miss Edgley," Skulduggery pulled on his coat, placing his hat on top of his skull, "We can either take you home-" She let out a sound.

" _Or_ you can come with Erkskine and I to Satya's house where you will be safe and in the loop," The skeleton continued.

"In the loop of what?" Stephanie asked, and for some reason she felt a sinking in her stomach, like she knew what he was going to say.

"Gordon Edgley was murdered- and we're going to solve his murder."

\-----------

Stephanie was quiet in the car. Her, Erkskine and Skulduggery got into a sleek, black Bentley, leaving behind Dexter to clean up and - what Stephanie assumed - to beat the assailant for information.

"Magic is real," She said, her voice hoarse. "Right you are," Erkskine replied, shooting her a sad yet kind smile. 

"Was Gordon magic?" She asked, her voice was clear now and surprisingly stead. 

"No, he wasn't- But he did believe you were, though," Skulduggery said. Erkskine looked surprised at this, "I didn't know that."

Skulduggery gave him a little shrug. 

They pulled into a driveway of a house in an area not so different to the area where Stephanie lived.

She got out, following Skulduggery towards the doorway of the house. Erkskine followed behind her. 

Skulduggery gave three sharp knocks on hard timber. The house was a one-story brick-and-tile place. Within seconds, the door opened, revealing the beautiful woman. 

"You know, there's this thing called the mobile phone- it was invented about half a century ago, people use it to let people know they're coming by-" Satya started only to be cut off by Skulduggery who gave the skeleton equivalent of a snort, "Don't try, Satya- I saw Saracen's car parked on the street."

Satya let out a sigh, "Nothing gets past you," She said, stepping aside, "Hey, Stephanie...?" She trailed off, a look of confusion on her face, "Saracen did not mention you."

Stephanie said nothing, following Skulduggery in.

"She was attacked at Gordon's place," Erkskine informed her, kissing her on the cheek before following the other two in, "Rue! Get in here!"

"By who?" Satya asked in concern, leading them into a living room. "Don't know," Skulduggery grumbled, "I hate not knowing."

"Hungry?" Satya asked Stephanie, gesturing to one of the sofa's in the large living room. Stephanie sat down, looking around with a wide mouth. It was an average sized room, with a TV and comfortable sofa's but what stuck out was the wall covered in photos.

"Uh- No, thanks," Stephanie answered, blinking.

"She'll have tea," Skulduggery said, "With lots of sugar for the shock."

Satya left the room, gone to get the tea, closely followed by Erkskine who muttered something about food.

Stephanie peered closely at the skeleton she had been left with.

“How can you talk?”

“Sorry?”

“How can you talk? You move your mouth when you speak, but you’ve got no tongue, you’ve got no lips, you’ve got no vocal cords. I mean, I know what skeletons look like—I’ve seen diagrams and models and stuff—and the only things that hold them together are flesh and skin and ligaments, so why don’t you just fall apart?”

He gave another shrug, both shoulders this time. “Well, that’s magic too.”

She looked at him. “Magic’s pretty handy.”

“Yes, magic is.”

“And what about, you know, nerve endings? Can you feel pain?”

“I can, but that’s not a bad thing. Pain lets you know that you’re alive, after all.”

“And are you alive?”

“Well, technically no, but …”

She peered into his empty eye sockets. “Do you have a brain?”

He laughed. “I don’t have a brain, I don’t have any organs, but I have a consciousness. To be honest with you, it’s not even my head.”

“What?”

“It’s not. They ran away with my skull. I won this one in a poker game.”

“That’s not even yours? How does it feel?”

“It’ll do. It’ll do until I finally get around to getting my own head back. You look faintly disgusted.”

“I just … Doesn’t it feel weird? It’d be like wearing someone else’s socks.”

“You get used to it.”

“What happened to you?” she asked. “Were you born like this?”

“No, I was born perfectly normal. Skin, internal organs, the whole shebang. Even had a face that wasn’t too bad to look at, if I do say so myself.”

“So what happened?”

“I got into magic. Back then—back when I was, for want of a better term, alive—there were some pretty nasty people around. The world was seeing a darkness it might never have recovered from. It was war, you see. A secret war, but war nonetheless. There was a sorcerer, Mevolent, worse than any of the others, and he had himself an army, and those of us who refused to fall in behind him found ourselves standing up against him.

“And we were winning. Eventually, after years of fighting this little war of ours, we were actually winning. His support was crumbling, his influence was fading, and he was staring defeat in the face. So he ordered one last, desperate strike, against all the leaders on our side.”

Stephanie stared at him, lost in his voice.

“I went up against his right-hand man, who had laid out a wickedly exquisite trap. I didn’t suspect a thing until it was too late.

“So I died. He killed me. The twenty-third of October, it was, when my heart stopped beating. Once I was dead, they stuck my body up on a pike and burned it for all to see. They used me as a warning; they used the bodies of all the leaders they had killed as warnings, and to my utter horror, it worked."

Stephanie wanted to ask what he meant when Satya walked back into the room, a teacup in hand, "Here we go," She said with a small smile.

Stephanie thanked her just as another man walked into the room. He had brown hair and like Erkskine had a chiseled jaw. However, unlike the other man, he had facial hair that had been cleanly shaved. 

"Stephanie- Saracen Rue," Satya introduced. Stephanie gave him a weak smile in greeting which he accepted before sitting next to Skulduggery, "An adept."

"Excuse me?" Skulduggery asked, tilting his head at an angle that made it seem he was staring at the newcomer.

"The man that attacked Stephanie," Saracen said, "He's an adept. I don't know his name but he's resistant to fire- Worked for Melovent during the war."

Satya let out a sigh, "Serpine?"

He nodded, "Serpine," He confirmed. Stephanie could sense the tension and decided to cut in, "But what does this have to do with me?" She asked, "Or Gordan?"

The others stayed quiet, almost like they were having a silent conversation. Erkskine walked in, a plate filled with food in hand, sat down next to Stephanie. 

"Well?" Stephanie asked, felling slightly annoyed. "Nefarian Serpine is the man who killed me," Skulduggery said, breaking the silence.

She blinked, "Oh." She wasn't sure what to say, "Sorry?" 

"Your condolences are appreciated," He replied. Stephanie wouldn't have been able to tell whether he was being serious save for the fact that his tone was one of amusement.

"If Serpine killed Gordon then that would mean he broke the truce," Satya said, "We need proof."

Stephanie remembered something, "That man called you a detective," She said to Skulduggery. 

Skulduggery nodded, having an air of someone surprised at the fact that she had picked up that small piece of information, "He obviously knows me by reputation- I solve mysteries."

"Do _you_ now?" Satya said, raising an eyebrow, "I wasn't aware the Dead Men were made up of a singular dead man."

"I'm the poster boy," Skulduggery said, leaning back in his seat, "Clearly I should get the credit."

"I'll tell Hopeless you said that," Saracen commented. 

Skulduggery ignored him before leaning forward again, turning his skull towards Stephanie, "Did the man say anything?" He asked curiously, "When attacked you?"

Stephanie racked her brains, "He was asking about a key?" She said, "That's all I remember."

Skulduggery nodded, "Okay," He said before turning to his friends, "Satya-"

Satya groaned, "Please don't make me go see her," She said. If he had eyes, Skulduggery would have been glaring at her. "Fine," She sighed, "I'll go see her."

"And take Stephanie with you - If she's anything like Gordon then it'll be a cold day in hell when she's put on the back burner." Stephanie glared at Skulduggery, "Then where are you going?" She asked, almost accusatory.

"We'll be going to the Sanctuary," Saracen answered in Skulduggery's stead, "He-" he nodded towards the skeleton, "-would rather the Elders not know about you for now."

Stephanie wasn't sure what he was talking about but nodded all the same.

"I'll take her to Ghastly's in the morning," Satya said, "If she's going to be caught up in all this, then she's going to need clothes."

"Clothes?" Stephanie was only just slightly confused.

"Clothes," The adults chorused in agreement.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's our girl China Yeeee boi

"Mum, I swear I'll be fine," Stephanie said, her voice almost a whine, "I found some pancake mix in the cupboard and the gas isn't off yet so I won't starve."

 _"Okay, fine-"_ Melissa sighed,  _"I'll see you later, honey."_

"Bye, mum," Stephanie hung up. 

"Change of plan," Satya walked into the kitchen where Stephanie was sitting at the breakfast bar, "We're going to straight to China and then we'll meet up with the others at Ghastly's."

"What kind of name is Ghastly?" Stephanie asked before she could stop herself. She blushed, "Sorry, none of my business."

Satya shook her head with a wry smile, "It's fine-" She dumped a few pancakes onto her plate, drenching them with maple syrup, "Ghastly's ugly."

Stephanie blinked, "What?"

"Hideous in fact," Satya said bluntly, rolling up a pancake before taking a bite. She chewed thoughtfully before swallowing, "Like a face only a mother could love."

"And he's a tailor?" Stephanie confirmed. Satya nodded, "And a boxer. His mum was a boxer and his dad was a tailor," She informed the younger girl, "When his mum was pregnant with him, she got cursed which led to Ghastly coming out looking like..." She shrugged, "Ghastly."

She checked her watch, "Okay, time to go," She announced, stuffing her remaining pancakes into her mouth.

Stephanie nodded, sliding off the stool and following her out of the house.

00000000000

It seemed like being a part of this friend group meant having a nice car. Satya had a silver Porsche, small but fast and beautiful.

"What are the Dead Men?" Stephanie asked, buckling herself in. 

Satya started up the car and looked over her shoulder as she reversed out of her driveway, "A bunch of hooligans," She said with a laugh before shaking her head, "It was a group founded during the war, when things got desperate. We went on suicide missions and beat the impossible which brought on the name."

"But you're a woman," Stephanie commented.

"That I am," Satya flashed her a smile, "I joined the team after a few missions but by then the name had already stuck."

"What kind of magic is there?" Stephanie switched subjects.

"There are two types of mages, or sorcerers. Adepts practice one branch of magic, Elementals practice another. Adepts are more aggressive; their techniques are more immediately powerful. In contrast, an Elemental, chooses the quieter course, and works on mastering command of the elements."

"Command of the elements?"

"More like manipulation - Command is a heavy word."

"What can you all do?" Stephanie was curious. 

Satya was silent for a moment, "Skulduggery, Ghastly, Erkskine and Robin are Elementals," She started, "Dexter specialises in energy, Hopeless can shapeshift and Saracen is slightly hard to explain and Anton has a gist."

"A gist?" 

Satya nodded, pulling out of the highway and onto a city exit, "It's a manifestation of his anger and fury," She said.

"Oh," Stephanie wasn't sure what to say to that. How much anger did someone have to have a manifestation of it. "What about you?"

Satya hesitated slightly, "I'm an elemental," She said. She didn't sound so sure of that, "With ties to necromancy."

Stephanie stared at her, "Death magic?" She sounded shock. Satya winced, "It's complicated."

"I would've thought the magical living skeleton would have been into death magic," Stephanie commented. Satya shrugged with a guarded smile.

They drove in silence for a few more moments before Satya said, "Don't tell anyone your name unless I say it's alright, okay?" 

Stephanie nodded, remembering Skulduggery's words from the night before.

"Will I have to choose a name?" She asked quietly. "If you're going to learn magic, then yes," Satya answered before looking over and smiling, "Doesn't have to be a weird one like  _Hopeless,_ though," She said, "It could be as normal as yours."

Stephanie pulled a face, causing Satya to laugh.

00000000000000

They had arrived outside a crumbling old tenement building, its walls defaced with graffiti and its windows cracked and dirty. She followed him up the concrete steps and into the foyer, and together they ascended the sagging staircase.

The first floor was quiet. It smelled of damp. On the second floor, splintered shards of light escaped through the cracks between doors and doorways into the otherwise dark corridor. They could hear the sounds of a TV from one of the apartments.

When they got to the third floor, Stephanie knew they had arrived. The third floor was clean, it didn’t smell, and it was well lit. It was like an entirely different building.

She followed Satya to the middle of the corridor where a simple white door stood with the label "Library".

Satya knocked thrice and looked at Stephanie, "Remember," She warned, "No names."

Just as she finished speaking, the door opened to reveal a thin man with large round spectacles peered out. His nose was hooked and his wiry hair was receding. He wore a checked suit with a bow tie. He glanced at Stephanie, then nodded to Satya and opened the door wide for them to come through.

Satya nodded in greeting, a walked in with an air of someone important. Stephanie followed her in and was in shock. There was no way that this was  _one_ apartment.

The walls between apartments had been taken away in order to accommodate the vast number of books that had to be shelved. Stacks and stacks of books, a labyrinth of bookshelves stretched from one side of the building to the other. As they followed the bespectacled man through the maze, she saw more people, their attention focused on their reading, people half hidden in shadow, people who didn’t look exactly right. …

In the middle of the library was an open space, like a clearing in a forest, and in this open space stood the most beautiful woman Stephanie had ever seen. Her hair was black as raven wings, and her eyes were the palest blue. Her features were so delicate, Stephanie feared they might break if she smiled, and then the lady smiled and Stephanie felt such warmth that for an instant she never wanted to be anywhere else but at this lady’s side.

"China, enough," Satya said in warning, glaring at the beautiful woman.

The lady let her eyes move to her, and her smile turned playful. Stephanie stared, enraptured. Her body felt so heavy, so clumsy, all she wanted to do with her life was just stand here, in this spot, and gaze at pure and true beauty.

Then the spell was broken and Stephanie felt a fog lift from her mind and the woman laughed.

"My apologies," She said gracefully, standing up, "I do forget that I have that effect on people at first impressions."

Satya rolled her eyes, turning to Stephanie, "Don't worry, she has that effect on everyone. You'll get used to it."

"Including you, sweet Satya?" China asked sweetly, stepping closed to the pair to shake Stephanie's hand.

Satya didn't answer the question, instead choosing to glare at her instead.

China produced a business card and pressed it firmly into the teenager's hand, "Please feel free to call me if you find anything worthy of starring in my collection," She said with a small smile.

"Stop trying to rob the poor girl and let's talk business," Satya interrupted, taking a step to separate China and Stephanie.

China raised an eyebrow in interest.

"She-" Satya placed a hand on Stephanie's shoulder, "Witnessed someone breaking into Gordon Edgley's house. Skulduggery, Dexter and Erkskine managed to knock him unconscious and Hopeless spent the night digging."

"And you're here because...?" China trailed off, "If Hopeless is on the case then you certainly don't need me."

"Whoever sent the assailant didn't tell him exactly what he was looking for," Satya said, tilting her head, "We just know he was looking for a key. Have any idea what he was talking about and what Gordon would have that someone would want?"

China said nothing, her heels clicking as she sat on her desk, crossing her legs before giving Satya a charming smile, "You're being very careful about names, darling. Why don't you just tell who you think sent the man?"

Satya held her gaze before sighing, "Skulduggery is convinced that Nefarian Serpine is pulling strings."

China laughed. “Serpine again? My darling, Skulduggery thinks Serpine is the culprit behind practically every crime.”

“That’s because he usually is.”

“So why come to me?”

“You hear things.”

“Do I?”

“People talk to you.”

“I am very approachable.”

“I was wondering if you’d heard anything: rumors, whispers, anything.”

“Nothing that would help you.”

“But you have heard something?”

“I’ve heard nonsense; I’ve heard something that doesn’t even deserve to be called a rumor. Apparently Serpine has been making inquiries about the Scepter of the Ancients.”

Whatever Satya was expecting, this was clearly not it. She had gone rigid and paled considerably.

"Well?" China asked, "What do I get in return?"

Satya turned on her heel, Stephanie stumbled at her fast movement, struggling to follow her out.

"This is how business works, Satya!" China called after them, her tone wasn't anger, it was more amusement, "I give you something, and you give me something in return!"

00000000000

"So," Stephanie started when they reached the street, "That was China Sorrows."

Satya let out a noise that a mix of a grunt and a strangled gasp.

"Pretty name," Stephanie continued. She got into Satya's car just as Satya gave out the same noise.

"Explain the whole name thing again?"

Satya sighed and sat up, starting the car up, "Names are power. There are three names for everyone. The name you’re born with, the name you’re given, and the name you take. Everyone, no matter who they are, is born with a name. You were born with a name. Do you know what it is?”

“Is this a trick question?”

“Do you know what your name is?”

“Yes. Stephanie Edgley.”

“No.”

“No?”

“That’s your given name. That’s the name other people handed you. If a mage with any kind of knowledge wanted to, he could use that name to influence you, to attain some small degree of control—to make you stand, sit, speak, things like that.”

“Like a dog.”

“I suppose so.”

"We're all dogs?" Stephanie pulled a face. Satya laughed, her shoulders relaxing as they drove along.

She continued,"You have another name, a real name, a true name. A name unique to you and you alone.”

“What is it?”

“I don’t know. You don’t know it either, at least not consciously. This name gives you power, but it would also give other people absolute power over you. If someone knew it, they could command your loyalty, your love, everything about you. Your free will could be totally eradicated. Which is why we keep our true names hidden.”

“So what’s the third name?”

“The name you take. It can’t be used against you, it can’t be used to influence you, and it’s your first defense against a sorcerer’s attack. Your taken name seals your given name, protects it, and that’s why it’s so important to get it right.”

"Which is why I should choose a name if I'm gonna learn magic," Stephanie remembered the conversation they had on the ride over.

Satya nodded.

"I can't think of any."

"You don't need one right this second," Satya reassured her, "Mull it over- Get inspiration from things that are important to you. Once you find one, it'll just click."

 _Easier said than done,_ Stephanie thought.


	6. Chapter 6

Satya caught the hint of distaste on Stephanie's face and laughed, "Trust me, it's nicer on the inside."

Stephanie pulled a face as they got out of the car, "I thought he was a tailor," She said.

"He is."

"But there's no sign - How will anyone know where to find them?"

Satya opened the door for her, "He has a specific clientele," She answered with a smile, "Head to the back."

Stephanie found herself in what looked to be a waiting room with a door at the far end of the room. She opened the door to reveal a messy and cluttered workshop.

She couldn't see the whole room as a shelf filled with fabric blocked her view. She shuffled to the side so she didn't knock anything over, finding an opening between shelves. 

Stephanie could hear voices mixed with occasional laugh.

"We're almost there," Satya said from behind her, "The workshop is like a maze."

True to her word, after half a minute of shuffling between shelves, Stephanie stumbled out of the maze and into an open area where four men sat.

"Hello, boys," Satya announced her arrival, her heels clicking against the wooden floors.

"Satya... This must be Stephanie," one of the men stood up, offering a hand. Stephanie straightened up and shook it, "Hello."

"That's Robin Larrikin," Satya said off handedly. 

Robin took his seat on the sofa he had previously sat on. "Hey, Saracen, Erkskine," Stephanie gave the two an awkward wave before focusing on the man sitting behind the sewing machine.

True to Satya's description, he was  _ghastly._

"Ghastly Bespoke," He said with a smile, "I'm sorry about your uncle, he was a good man."

"Uh-" She blinked, pulled out of her stare, "Thank you?"

Robin snorted, earning a glare from Satya. "Sorry," He held his hands up.

She shook her head, "Shift over, you big lump," She nudged his foot. He glared at her before shuffling closer to Saracen who just sighed but didn't shove him.

Erkskine was sitting in an armchair, his feet resting up on a coffee table. 

The workshop was a mess, but it was homely in a way. The mismatch of furniture and machines seemed to just  _fit._

"Was China any help?" Ghastly asked, his eyebrow furrowed as went back to his sewing.

Satya pulled a face, "Robin, be a darling and pour me a drink?" 

Robin was about to object but saw her glare, "Yes, dear," He grumbled, standing up and walking out of the maze.

"Well?" Erkskine rose an eyebrow, "What did she say?"

Satya sighed, "She said that Serpine has been sniffing around about the Sceptre of the Ancients," She informed them. 

"Is that even real?" Saracen asked in confusion.

"Bloody useless," Satya muttered in mock frustration, "What use is knowing things if it can't be used for important stuff."

"Knowing things?" Stephanie asked curiously, "That's your magic?"

Saracen nodded, "But they're very random things at times."

"It was helpful during the war," Erkskine commented, "When we were on missions, he would know if someone was coming, on their way-"

"I bring drinks!" Robin announced jovially, bursting onto the scene with a tray.

Satya sat straight, "Where's my whiskey?"

Robin clicked his tongue, "No drinking in front of the children!" He chided, handing Stephanie a pink milkshake with froth on top.

Satya muttered something under her breath then groaned, "Where is that stupid skeleton?"

"Dexter called just before you came," Ghastly told her without looking up from his work, "They were just leaving the Sanctuary with Hopeless when he called."

Satya nodded, sipping her green milkshake with a grimace, "How did you even make these so fast?" She asked curiously.

Robin flopped down next to her, tapping his nose with a wide grin.

Stephanie watched their banter for a few more minutes, feeling slightly left out and jealous at how easily a group of people fit together - and this wasn't even the full group.

Suddenly, she heard a door open and a loud exclamation.

"GHASTLY- YOUR BLOODY FABRIC POKED ME IN THE EYE!" Stephanie heard Dexter yell.

She snorted. "Typical," She heard Skulduggery mutter after a moment.

Dexter Vex stumbled into view with Skulduggery walking in smoothly, shaking his head - or skull. After him came another man.

Stephanie blinked. This must be Hopeless, she realised. He was of average build, dark skinned with salt-and-pepper hair. He looked to be in his mid-thirties.

"Nice to meet you, Stephanie," he said softly with a small smile. "Hello," Stephanie replied after wiping the milk mustache that had formed. 

"No time for chit chat," Skulduggery said briskly, "What did China say?"

"Serpine's after the Sceptre," Satya informed him, waving her milkshake towards the empty couch. 

"Which is ridiculous because it doesn't exist," Ghastly added, getting up and hanging up the suit jacket he was working on before looking at Stephanie, "Have a favourite colour?"

She blinked, "Uh... Black?" She offered. He nodded approvingly, "Good, black is good."

"Use red for lining," Saracen added, "It'll look bad ass."

"Anyway," Hopeless cleared his throat, immediately the others quietened down, "If Serpine thinks the Sceptre exists then that's the most important thing."

Stephanie thought of something, "The man who broke into Gordon's place- He was looking for a key..."

Skulduggery rolled his gloved hands in a gesture to  _go on._  

"Well, what if it was the key that Gordon left you in the will?" She said.

"Not a bad thought," Erkskine commented, leaning forward and resting his head on his hands, "But we cleared that already- Dexter got out the books from the office last-"

Dexter swore loudly causing everyone to look at him. 

"Well?" Satya exclaimed, "Speak, Vex!"

He glared at her before speaking, "The books were all about the Ancients. I just went through the titles but I didn't think it was all that special."

"We need those books," Stephanie exclaims, "Isn't the Sceptre the Ancients'? Maybe they can tell us why this guy wants it!"

"No need," Satya said with a sigh, "I have a feeling I know why Gordon was murdered."

She locked eyes with Hopeless who suddenly looked grim.

"Well?" Stephanie asked impatiently, "Why was my uncle murdered?"

Hopeless sat down next to Skulduggery on the sofa, "The Sceptre of the Ancients is magically linked to its owner," He explained, his voice tired, "If Serpine killed Gordon then it's because he thought Gordon owned the Sceptre and wanted it for himself."

"There's a motive," Skulduggery said, head tilted. 

"Out with it, Dead Man," Saracen said with a wry smile, "You're dancing the conga on the inside knowing that you're gonna beat Serpine."

"Actually, no I'm not because there's nothing inside of me," Skulduggery said matter-of-factly.

"Hopeless, what did you get out of Stephanie's attacker?" Satya asked, cutting off the banter.

"Not much, unfortunately," Hopeless said with a sigh, "His name was Ifrit Mardue."

Dexter snorted, "That's unfortunate."

"He received his information via post with a envelope full of cash, that's all I got," Hopeless said.

"So, nothing tying him to Serpine?" Ghastly asked in confusion.

"Well," Skulduggery tapped a beat against his knee, "Physically? No."

"Eachen will never go for something like unless you have proof, idiot," Satya threw the little paper umbrella Robin had put in her drink at the skeleton.

"Children, please," Robin exclaimed dramatically before pointing at the clock that hung precariously on the wall, "Stephanie's mother is going to pick her up in just under an hour."

"Shit, you're right," Satya swore, about to get up, "For once."

"I'll take her," Skulduggery said, getting up and reaching stick the paper umbrella behind her hair. 

Stephanie got up, feeling a little annoyed. Had time really gone that fast? 

Skulduggery dropped Stephanie off at Gordon’s house, and half an hour later her mother’s car splashed through huge puddles and Stephanie went outside to meet her. She managed to keep her mother’s attention off the house, lest she notice that the front door was merely leaning against the door frame.

“Good afternoon,” her mother said as Stephanie got into the car. “Everything okay?”

Stephanie nodded. “Yeah, everything’s fine.”

“You’re looking a little bedraggled.”

“Oh, thanks, Mum.”

Her mother laughed as they drove back toward the gate. “Sorry. So tell me, how was your night?”

Stephanie hesitated, then shrugged. “Uneventful.”

 


	7. Chapter 7

Stephanie woke up at two in the afternoon the next day to the sound of the Skeleton Dance song. She blinked tiredly, wincing in pain as she sat up and grabbed her phone off her bedside table.

"It is too early for this."

"It's two in the afternoon."

Stephanie looked at her alarm clock and groaned, "Okay, what?"

"Well, Ghastly has a collection of all things Ancients," Skulduggery told her, "We're meeting Dexter, Saracen and him there to research. Are you coming?"

Stephanie straightened up, "Of course!" She felt a slight warmth. They had included her- a twelve year old girl with no magic ability - and decided to keep her by their side as they investigated her uncle's murder.

"Good, because I'm standing outside your window."

Stephanie let out a squeak, ending the call and jumping out of bed. She narrowed her eyes before sighing and opening her curtains and windows before peering down.

"Here-" Stephanie caught the paper wrapped package that the skeleton threw up, "Put these on- Ghastly finished them about an hour ago."

"Woah-" Stephanie pulled away the paper to reveal a bad ass black jacket with red lining and pants, both made of material that she couldn't recognise.

"Get changed and meet out front."

Stephanie nodded dumbly before realising he couldn't see her. "I'll see you soon," She said before shutting the curtains to get changed.

00000000000

Stephanie couldn't stop grinning. 

"-has amassed a unique collection of artwork, paintings, and literature about the Ancients, from all over the world. Included are a couple of rare volumes that could be very useful indeed. Those along with the books that Gordon left will be very helpful in piecing together what Serpine believes in- Why are you still smiling?" Skulduggery asked bluntly, "You can tell Ghastly how much you love the clothes when we get there."

She narrowed her eyes, "Let me have this moment! I feel bad ass. How did he finish it so fast?" She asked.

"He said he didn't want to risk you getting into a car accident even when he knows I have the best driving skills." Stephanie scoffed causing him to turn his head slightly, "I take offence."

"So, what exactly are the Ancients?" Stephanie asked, "I've managed to get bits and pieces from Satya but I don't get the whole deal."

Skulduggery was silent for a moment before speaking, "In the legends, they were the very first sorcerers, the first to wield the power of the elements, the first to use magic. They lived apart from the mortal world, had no interest in it. They had their own ways, their own customs, and their own gods. Eventually, they decided that they wanted to have their own destinies, too, so they rose up against their gods, rather nasty beings called the Faceless Ones, and battled them on the land, in the skies, and in the oceans. The Faceless Ones, being immortal, won every battle, until the Ancients constructed a weapon powerful enough to drive them back—the Sceptre.”

“You sound like you know the story well.”

“Tales around the campfire might seem quaint now, but it’s all we had before movies. The Faceless Ones were banished, forced back to wherever they came from.”

“So what’s happening here? He’s killing his gods?”

“Yep. The Sceptre was fueled by the Ancients’ desire to be free. That was the most powerful force they had at their disposal.”

“So it’s a force for freedom?”

“Originally. However, once the Ancients no longer had the Faceless Ones to tell them what to do, they started fighting among themselves, and they turned the Sceptre on each other and fueled it with hate.”

"Sounds rough."

Skulduggery looked at her again before shaking his head, eyes on the road again, "Rough sounds about right.

They drove on in silence until Stephanie spoke, "I'm still in danger, aren't I?"

“Oh, yes. Serpine still believes you are in possession of whatever key he’s looking for. The moment he learns who you are or where you are, he’ll send someone else. You’re in—and I don’t think I’m exaggerating here—especially grave danger.”

Stephanie nodded, "Okay, so where are we going?"

“In the Vault.”

“In a vault? So what?”

“Not a vault, the Vault. It’s a series of chambers housed beneath the Dublin Municipal Art Gallery, very well protected, where they don’t take kindly to trespassers.”

"Ghastly must be important if he has that kinda stuff on hand," Stephanie commented. 

"He's a collector, like your uncle and China," Skulduggery said, "His family has had this stuff for hundreds of years."

The Dublin Municipal Art Gallery was situated in one of the more affluent parts of the city. A gleaming triumph of steel and glass, it stood alone and proud, its lush gardens keeping the other buildings at a respectable distance.

Skulduggery parked across the road, "There they are," He said, tilting his head towards the three men standing in front of the entrance of the Art Gallery.

"Looks good," Ghastly said appreciatively as he eyed his work as they approached. Stephanie thanked him with a grin.

Dexter and Saracen gave her matching charming grins. 

"Stop flirting, both of you," Skulduggery warned, "Let's get this over with. The dust will ruin my suits."

"I didn't even say anything!" Saracen exclaimed, turning to follow after him.

Ghastly hit him on the back of his head as he passed. 

"We have at least six hours till the vampires kick in," Dexter said, as the group walked into the entrance hall of the gallery. 

Stephanie mouthed the word vampire with wide eyes. Saracen answered her silent question, "The Vault has vampires on the night shift to make sure no one tries to break in. So..."

"Don't break in?" She finished, "Got it."

A man waited for them at the end of the hallway, "Place your hand here, please, Mr Bespoke," He said coolly.

Ghastly placed his surprisingly unscarred hand, palm down on the tablet that the man offered him. 

After a moment, the man nodded, "Follow me, please."

They followed him in an elevator- he pushed the button for the basement level which Stephanie found odd. 

"Oh," she said softly when the doors opened again. This floor was a lot grander than the previous floor. It was obvious that this was where the sorcerers came to play.

"We'll take it from here," Skulduggery reassured the man with a tip of his hat. 

Ghastly led the way to the third door which pulled out a key from a pocket that somehow unlocked the steel bolt door to the Vault.

He placed his hand against the door and Stephanie watched in amazement as there was click and a small keyhole appeared.

"Woah," She said in awe. Saracen grinned at her, "Just wait till you get inside."

As soon as they got in, Skulduggery clicked his fingers, and candles flared up all around the chamber. There were books piled on books, and artifacts and statues, and paintings and wood carvings, and there was even a suit of armor to one side.

“This all has to do with the Sceptre?” Stephanie asked in a whisper.

“It all has to do with the Ancients,” Skulduggery answered, “so I’m sure there must be something about the Scepter in all this. I honestly didn’t expect there to be this much. You don’t have to whisper, by the way.”

"Vampires," She reminded him. 

"Night shift," He replied. She poked her tongue at him.

"Start searching," He ordered, pulling off his coat, "Anything interesting, throw it in a pile."

"I love it when you take that tone with me," Dexter grumbled.

They started searching. Some of the books were about the legends of the Ancients, some took a more practical and analytical viewpoint, and some were written in languages Stephanie didn’t recognize so she pushed them towards Saracen who apparently knew fourteen different languages.

A few of the books held nothing but blank pages, yet the boys seemed able to read them, although they said they contained nothing of immediate interest.

She started rooting through a collection of paintings stacked in frames against the wall. A lot of them showed people holding the Scepter aloft and looking heroic. The paintings fell, and she stooped to push them back up. She looked at the painting in front of her, recognizing it from the book she had seen in Skulduggery’s car: a man shielding his eyes from a glowing Scepter as he reached for it. This was the full painting, not the truncated little rectangle on a page. Skulduggery glanced over as she put the pictures back the way she had found them. She approached the suit of armor, noting the shield and bear etched into the breastplate.

“Family crest?” she asked.

“Sorry?” Skulduggery said, looking up. “Oh, yes. We don’t have family names that we can keep, so crests serve as our only link to our ancestors.”

“Do you have a crest?”

He hesitated. “I used to. I don’t anymore.”

She turned. “Why not?”

“I abandoned it, actually.”

“Why?”

“You ask an awful lot of questions.”

Stephanie took that as him not wanting to answer the question and turned to the others instead, "What about you lot?"

Ghastly scribbled something down on a notebook, his sleeves rolled up as he worked, "Mine's pretty boring- I'm looking on getting it changed," He said.

Saracen nodded in agreement, "Yours is pretty dull- Mine on the other hand..." He said with a wide grin, "A feather quill dipped in blood."

Dexter snorted, "The epitome of interesting," He said with a raised eyebrow, "Mine is a lightning bolt of ice."

"If you're all done with the measuring sticks...?" Skulduggery interrupted, "I'm going to call the others- See what they have."

"Probably the same as us," Ghastly said with a sigh, "A big pile of nothing."

\--------------

Hopeless dumped the pile of books onto the coffee table. 

Satya sighed, "What we're looking for better be somewhere in there," She said before pulling a book towards her.

Hopeless sat next to her, doing the same and flipped through to the first page.

"Why can't we ever have fun cases," Robin complained, "We should be doing research in Hawaii- Satya, let's go to Hawaii."

"Sure," Satya said, not looking up from the book she began, "Call Anton and ask when he's going to be in Hawaii."

"Really?" Robin brightened. Satya gave him a filthy look, "Get a goddamn book, Larrikin."

Hopeless let out a chuckle, shaking his head in amusement as Robin pulled a face but listened, grabbing one of the many books that Gordon had left.

They spent the next hour in silence until Satya's phone rang.

She blinked out of her daze before grabbing her phone and answering it to put it on speaker, "Speak."

 _"Find anything?"_ Skulduggery asked.

"Only a few dozen copies of the same goddamn story," Robin groaned, "How about you?"

_"Some paintings, some books- Oh, look a puzzle box."_

Satya straightened up in interest, "What's in it?"

 _“Can’t you play with it some other time?”_ They heard Stephanie complain in the background.

 _"Skulduggery, the coat of arms on the painting is the same as the one on that box,"_  Saracen said.

Hopeless put his book down, "What's the crest?" He asked curiously.

_"A leopard and crossed swords."_

Hopeless blinked in shock, "Like this?" He pull out one of the books from the unread pile.The crest that Skulduggery described was on the front cover. Satya sent a photo to Skulduggery which he replied,  _"That's the one. What is it?"_

Hopeless' forehead was furrowed as he flipped through the book, "A family tr- Oh."

"Oh?" Robin repeated in concern, tucking a strand of his long red hair behind his ear before jumping to peer over Hopeless' shoulder,  _"Oh!"_

"Bloody hell, give me that-" Satya snatched the book from Hopeless' hands and focused on what they saw, "Ah shit- Skulduggery, dear. We've just possibly why someone keeps trying to kill Stephanie."

Because on the last page of the book that tracked the family line of the Ancients was Stephanie's name.


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Have some fluff to make up for whatever shit i try to pull in the future.

"Wait, I thought these people only researched the Ancients," Ghastly said in confusion.

Saracen sighed, "Look at the painting," He said, pointing at one of the paintings that Stephanie had been looking at before, "It's a painting of an Ancient and the crest is on his gauntlet."

 _"If Gordon was tracing his family line then it makes sense why he would have stumbled across the Sceptre,"_ Hopeless said.

 _"Regardless,"_ Satya said,  _"We need to figure out where it is and get Serpine off Stephanie's bac- Oh..."_

Dexter threw his hands up in frustration, "Stop doing that! Explain your thoughts!" Stephanie agreed.

_"Sorry, I just read something- Apparently, if the sceptre hasn't been used in awhile and would need to be charged."_

Stephanie leaned closer to the phone, "What?" She asked curiously.

There was silence on the line before Hopeless spoke,  _"Blood of the Ancients."_

"Oh boy," Dexter muttered.

Stephanie felt her heart sink.

"Stephanie, breathe," Skulduggery ordered. She took a shaky breath, her arm stretching out to reach the rickety stool that Saracen had pulled out of a corner.

Dexter steadied her as she sat down, rubbing her back as she held her head in her hands.

 _"Skul- Is she okay?"_ Robin asked in concern,  _"If you've broken Stephanie, Satya, then we're are going to have_ words. _"_

"Skulduggery?" Stephanie whispered, raising her head. The skeleton went very still.

"Am I going to die?" She asked.

"Not if I have anything to do with it," He replied, "Death isn't at all what it's cut out to be."

She ran those words through her head before nodding, "Okay."

"Okay?" Ghastly repeated.

She nodded again, "Well, you guys are going to teach me how to beat people up, right?"

Dexter let out a chuckle, patting her shoulder, "That we promise to do."

"Is this a bad time to announce that I know where the sceptre is?"

Skulduggery ended the call before Satya could start swearing at him,

\-------------

Satya had immediately thrown the book in her lap across the room before getting up and walking to the kitchen and reappearing moments later with a glass of whiskey before resuming her pacing and swearing.

"Robin," Hopeless started quietly, reaching for his friend's arm. "Hm?" Robin responded. 

"Could you get us some dinner? I think Satya's 'hangry.'"

Robin shot the woman a frightened look before nodding, "I think she's in the mood for some good ol' Thai." He was quick to scramble up to his feet and place a sloppy wet kiss on Hopeless' cheek before dodging Satya on his way out.

"Satya," Hopeless called. She ignored him, stopping to drink all the whiskey in her glass.  _"Satya,"_ He repeated, more firmly.

She stopped and turned to look at him. "Come here," He said softly, reaching for her. Satya sighed, put down her glass and took his hand and sat down before laying her head on his lap, her arm wrapping around his waist.

"I'm so tired- It feels like the war never ended," She mumbled, "And we dragged an innocent girl into this."

"It is reckless," Hopeless said softly, "And dangerous and deeply worrying."

"I swear, if we get this girl killed I will not forgive anyone including myself," She said. 

They sat in a comfortable silence before he spoke, "I think Robin's back."

 Satya waited for the front door to open before shouting, "Larrikin- Bring wine!"

Robin groaned something before reappearing, a bottle of wine, plates, cutlery and wineglasses levitated midair and a plastic bag of takeout in hand.

"Hugfest?" He exclaimed, "And I wasn't invited?"

"Come here, then," Hopeless grinned and offered his hand.

"Oh dear lord-" Satya narrowly avoided getting her head crushed by Robin's eagerness to cuddle.


	9. Chapter 9

Stephanie was woken the next morning by the stereo playing very loudly indeed. Her dad had been trying to tune into a news station and the volume knob had snapped off, so instead of a quiet little traffic report, the family was treated to Wagner’s “Ride of the Valkyries” at full blast. He had lost the remote control down the back of the sofa and hadn’t the first clue how to turn the stereo off. The music reverberated through the floor and in the walls. There was no escaping its sheer power. By the time her mother yanked the plug out of the socket, Stephanie was wide-awake.

Her mother poked her head in to say good-bye, and as her parents went to work, Stephanie threw on a T-shirt and the new clothes that Ghastly had made her. While she waited for Skulduggery to arrive, she thought about what would be a good name for her to take. Skulduggery had explained how the actual taking of a new name casts a seal around the old one—so if Stephanie took the name Crystal Hammer (she didn’t plan on it), then the name Stephanie Edgley would be instantly immune to any controlling spells. But while she went only by her given name, she was vulnerable.

If she was to have a new name, it would have to be a name she wouldn’t be embarrassed about in years to come. It would have to be something classy, and also something she felt comfortable with. He had told her about people who’d taken names like Razor and Phoenix, and how he wouldn’t advise anyone to take a name that seemed cool. He’d once been introduced to a woman who had put on a little weight over the years, and her hair was a bit windswept and she had spinach in her teeth, and he was told her name was Jet. Jet did not suit this woman, the same way Razor did not suit the short fat man who had taken that as a name.

She looked up from her desk as Skulduggery knocked. She opened the window.

“I thought girls were supposed to be tidy,” he said as he peered in.

Stephanie kicked some underwear under her bed and ignored the comment. “You okay out there?”

“I’ve been perched on worse roofs, believe me.”

“My parents have gone to work, you know. You could have used the door.”

“Doors are for people with no imagination.”

“Are you sure no one saw you? The last thing I need is for a neighbor to be passing and see you climbing up the side of the house.”

“I was careful, don’t you worry. I figured out where the key is, by the way."

Stephanie blinked, "Where is it?" She asked.

"Beryl has it," Skulduggery said casually, "Meet me in the car." Seconds later, he was gone and Stephanie was staring blankly at the window.

Stephanie scrambled to her feet, grabbed her phone and ran out the door.

"It's that hideous brooch, isn't it?" She said, sliding into the passenger seat.

"Seat belt," Skulduggery ordered, "And yes, yes it is- And you're going to steal it."

Stephanie gaped at him, "Why can't you send Dexter or Saracen to seduce her or something? She hates me!"

"I'm sure that's a tad dramatic."

"She wants to murder me for stealing Gordon's estate," She replied bluntly, "What about Satya? Can't she do it? At least Beryl knows her."

"Then it's a good thing that Satya  _and_ Dexter are meeting us there so we can get the key and then go straight to the caves."

Stephanie brightened considerably, "Maybe Beryl went shopping," She said, "And I'll just have to have awkward conversation with Fergus."

"Don't hold your breath," Skulduggery told her.

Stephanie poked her tongue at him before asking curiously, "What's Hopeless' magic?"

"You ask a lot of questions," Skulduggery deflected. 

"When I grow up I want to be just like you," She shot back with a grin. 

Skulduggery looked at her before turning forward and nodding, "You do seem to share my love for raising Cain."

"What does that mean?"

"Raising Cain? It means causing Skulduggery."

"And what does that mean?"

"Making mischief."

Stephanie threw her hands up in annoyance, "You goon- Why couldn't you just say that?"

"Because then I wouldn't be able to impress you with my advanced vocabulary," Skulduggery said, amusement colouring his tone.

"So, how did you figure out where the key was?" Stephanie asked, changing the subject. 

"Your path is your own, and I have no wish to sway you, but sometimes the greatest enemy we can face is ourselves, and the greatest battle is against the darkness within. There is a storm coming, and sometimes the key to safe harbor is hidden from us, and sometimes it is right before our eyes."

Stephanie mulled the words over in her head, "During the will reading- Gordon was being  _literal_."

"Precisely," Skulduggery replied, nearing the street where her uncle and his family lived. Stephanie spotted Satya's car.

"Skulduggery- I think they're already inside," She said, seeing the empty car.

"You might get your wish and Dexter seduced Beryl," Skulduggery said, locking his car as they began walking towards the front door.

Stephanie looked disgusted at the thought and grudgingly knocked on the front door.

Within seconds, the door had opened to a pale and flustered Fergus.

"Forget Beryl, he's gone after Fergus," Stephanie muttered quickly before smiling painfully, "Hey, uncle Fergus."

"Your  _friends-"_ He spat, "-Are inside. Where do you get off bringing an innocent girl into this?" Fergus asked Skulduggery in disgust, "I told my brother when he mixed up with you lot that I didn't want any of them getting touched by this."

"Wait-" Stephanie blinked, "You know about magic?"

Fergus stopped, his face clearly red, and stepped aside and let the two in.

Stephanie led the way to the dining table where Satya and Dexter sat.

"Nice of you to join us," Satya said lazily, raising her mug up. 

"What are you doing here?" Stephanie asked.

"Satya here," Dexter started, "Decided she wanted to see if Fergus remembered her from a party Gordon brought her to over two decades ago."

"Spoiler; He started shouting," Satya said with a bright smile, "But, now that you've joined the party we can get down to business."

Fergus glared at her before placing a hand on his niece's shoulder, "If you get into something dangerous and I find out, I  _will_ tell your parents."

Stephanie froze, "Why would you do that?" She hissed, twisting out of his grip.

"Because, I have done my best to protect this family from that filth and I will not let Desmond or Melissa believe a lie if something happens to you," He shot back, his face somehow managing to get redder.

"It's not up to you on whether-" Stephanie started to retort only to be cut off by Satya jumping to her feet, "Okay, time to go," She said with a bright smile, pulling Dexter to his feet.

Stephanie stared at her, completely confused. They hadn't gotten the brooch yet.

"Very nice seeing you," Skulduggery said, reaching for Stephanie's arm.

Stephanie followed him out, feeling completely sidelined.

Fergus muttered something as he let them out, shutting the door as soon as Dexter's foot crossed the threshold.

"What just happened?" Stephanie questioned, "We didn't get the key."

"Head's up," Satya ordered. Stephanie looked to her just as Satya tossed a small box. Stephanie flicked it open to reveal the ugly brooch that Gordon had left his aunt, "How the hell-?"

"Y'know that magic that I told is really complicated to explain?" Satya asked as they made their way to cars.

"Vaguely."

"Long story short, I can make people think they're seeing things."

Stephanie opened the car door to the Bentley, about to get in, "So..."

"So, basically while you were having it out with your uncle, I was actually sneaking into your aunt's room and let me tell you, that brooch is not the ugliest thing she owns."

Stephanie snorted, shaking her head with a grin, "Awesome."

\-------------

Stephanie was sick of driving. There was lots of driving involved with magical detective work.

So, it was nice surprise when Skulduggery's phone began ringing.

Scratch that, there was nothing nice about the call.

_"Skul- You need to get to the Sanctuary now- It's a mess-"_

"Saracen- Calm down," Skulduggery ordered before swearing; Satya had swerved off the road and had taken a sharp u-turn.

"What happened?" Skulduggery asked.

_"Serpine took China."_

Skulduggery swore again before looking at Stephanie, "Sorry."

"Don't worry about it," She said in bewilderment, "Is she going to be okay?"

"Why is the Sanctuary a mess if Serpine has China?" Skulduggery asked, "Meritorious doesn't think much of her."

 _"That's the problem,"_ Saracen said with a sigh, _"Serpine has Meritorious too."_

Skulduggery went quiet then began speaking, giving orders, "Call Satya- They have to meet us at the Sanctuary, get the key and get the sceptre. Call Anton, he can go too as backup- And Erkskine too." His voice was cold and quick, like knives stabbing through air.

_"And us?"_

"Hopeless needs to work damage control with the Elders- Eachan trusted him, they'll work with him. Get Bliss and take control of the cleavers- Wait for me and then we go in and storm the goddamn castle- And Serpine's going down, truce be damned."

_"And Valkyrie?"_

Stephanie blinked, straightening.

"Who?" Skulduggery asked, confused.

"Me," Stephanie said quietly. He turned to look at her.

"Me- I'm-" She cleared her throat before speaking, "I'm Valkyrie Cain."

He said nothing for a moment before breaking the silence, "About damn time."


	10. Chapter 10

Valkyrie scrambled out of the Bentley as soon as Skulduggery pulled into a carpark next to Satya's car. Satya was digging through her car boot before finally pulling out a gym bag and a pair of boots that weren't so different to the ones Valkyrie wore.

"This is a mess," Dexter said gravely, falling into step with Skulduggery, "Ghastly's picking Anton and Robin up from the hotel now."

"Good," Skulduggery said, "We're going to need all hands on deck."

"Mr Bliss is here too," Satya said, checking her phone as they neared The Waxworks Museum where the Sanctuary was apparently located.

"I didn't realise he and China were speaking," Dexter commented.

"They're not but I think Bliss can throw away a century of not-talking to go on a mission to save his sister," Satya replied.

"China has a brother?" Valkyrie said in surprise, "She seems like the only child type."

"Ah yes-" Skulduggery opened the door to the back entrance of the museum, "Satya and Dexter, may I have the pleasure of introducing you to Valkyrie Cain?"

Satya grinned, "Nice one," She complimented, "Suits you."

Valkyrie flushed, "Thanks."

She followed them into a hallway that led to three doors, "I can't believe the Sanctuary is hidden in this museum- I came here all the time as a kid."

They took the furthest door on the left, emerging into the gleaming foyer of the Sanctuary. It would have reminded Valkyrie of the lobby of a high-tech company’s building—all marble and varnished wood paneling—had it not been for the lack of windows. Two men stood guard against the far wall, hands clasped behind them, dressed entirely in gray, with long coats and some sort of helmet with a visor that covered the entire face. Each had a scythe, a wicked-looking blade on a five-foot staff, strapped to his back. A slight man in a suit came out to greet them.

"Detectives, the Elders are waiting for you in the war room."

Skulduggery nodded, "Before we meet them we would like to convene with the Dead Men in a private room," He said.

The man looked slightly confused but nodded, "Make it quick," He warned.

He led them to a room that was down the hall, passing three of the guards that were running in a group down the hall.

As soon as they walked into an empty office and the door was shut Satya dumped her bag onto the desk and began unbuttoning her shirt. 

Seconds later, Hopeless and Saracen walked into the room.

"You have the plan handled?" Skulduggery asked. Valkyrie blinked quickly averting her eyes as Satya pulled down her jeans, kicking off her heels before pulling on a black shirt and leather pants, pulling on a matching leather jacket on top of her shirt.

"Morwenna Crow remains the voice of reason while Tome stays annoying yet silent," Saracen grumbled, "Bliss has eyes on Serpine's castle so as soon as Skulduggery walks in it's all go."

"Woah, you're somewhat a big deal around here," Valkyrie commented. Saracen snorted, shaking his head, "He led us during the war- The feeling of taking orders from him doesn't really go away."

"As soon as the others get here then you go get the sceptre with Anton and Robin," Skulduggery ordered, ignoring Valkyrie, "Satya, you go in with the extraction team."

She watched as Satya slid a knife into each of her boots before strapping her gun holster to her waist, "Okay, I'm ready to go."

Dexter jumped off the desk he was sitting on, dumping her clothes that she had thrown at him into her bag unceremoniously.

\--------------

"The plan is simple," Skulduggery stood at the head of the war table, Dexter and Hopeless standing on either one of his sides. 

"Bliss along with two Cleavers, Rue, Eka and Vex will go into through the Southern entrance where Bliss' eyes has said China is. Simple extraction and then myself and a group of Cleavers will engage in Serpine on the Eastern wing," Skulduggery said.

"If all goes to plan," Hopeless took over, "From what we know about Serpine, he'll go for the bait which will let the extraction team go in again and get Meritorious."

"This is bullshit," Elder Tome exclaimed, getting to his feet, "I'm not taking orders from some detectives-"

"Enough!" Satya exclaimed, cutting him down with a glare, "Do you want Corrival Deuce to walk through those doors and give you that exact plan?!" She was pissed, her finger pointed at the door. Valkyrie wondered who Corrival Deuce was. "Because if that's what get you hot and heavy, I can make that happen." Tome turned red, sitting down and matching her glare.

"Now be a good little Elder and shut up," Satya ordered. 

"I notice your fellow dead men haven't been mentioned," Elder Crow said, not scathingly, nodding towards  Anton, Robin and Ghastly.

"We're not at liberty to say what our orders are," Anton replied.

Valkyrie was slightly intrigued by Anton Shudder. He had the air of a funeral director with his long slicked back hair and long black overcoat. He had a calm demeanor, like he was in a permanent meditation state.

"And what about the girl?" Tome glared at her, still red from Satya's call out, "She shouldn't be here- She's only a child."

"Valkyrie Cain is our apprentice and is a key part of this case and therefore needs to be present," Skulduggery said, "Now, if you've finished sulking we have a Grand Mage and beautiful collector to save."

\-------

"You-" Robin grasped Valkyrie's arm, "With us."

Valkyrie blinked as she got dragged down the hall, dodging a group of Cleavers.

She quickened her pace to match Anton's. He was loading a gun before turning on the safety and handing it to her, "Know how to use a gun?"

"Point and shoot?" She received a wry smile from him, "Something like that."

"We'll explain in the car," Ghastly reassured her, slipping a dagger into sheath.

She took the gun hesitantly. Ghastly tapped her leg where he had put a holder.

"Thanks."

Valkyrie followed them to a black van, climbing into the backseat after Robin. 

"Buckle up- Ghastly's driving is..." Anton trailed off, buckling in, "Interesting."

"Hey," Ghastly warned, "I'm the only person Skulduggery let's drive the Bentley and that's for a reason."

Robin snorted, "Only because he owes you for that time he apparently set your workshop on fire."

"Anyway," Anton interrupted, "Did you find the entrance to the caves when you went to scout, Robin?"

"Yep," Robin answered cheerfully, "We'll have to move a bunch of rocks though- It's kinda hidden."

"Sounds fun," Valkyrie commented sarcastically. 

"My god, there's two of them," Robin stage whispered, shaking his head.

"You have spent an awful amount of time with Skulduggery," Ghastly said, "You're starting to sound like a cranky 400 year old skeleton."

She pulled a face.

The car ride took about forty minutes. Forty minutes of Robin switching from games of eye-spy and singing old drinking songs. Forty minutes of Anton giving constant updates every five minutes about what how the extraction mission was going. 

Serpine's castle was apparently an hour away from the Sanctuary and the extraction teams had left about twenty minutes after Valkyrie and the boys had. 

"We're not expecting to be attacked, right?" Valkyrie asked, slightly worried.

"No, but it's better to be safe than sorry," Ghastly replied, "Serpine's after the sceptre but he just doesn't know where it is."

"But there is a chance that someone is watching our every move," Anton added, "So, it's better to have guns at the ready."

Valkyrie nodded.

Soon they pulled up into Gordon's long driveway. 

"Take a right here," Robin ordered, leaning over Ghastly's shoulder. He had been in the area the day Skulduggery announced he knew where the sceptre was, scouting the area.

"Shit-" Anton swore at the sight of a gleaming silver car parked outside the house.

The front door once again lying in the hallway. Ghastly led the way into the house, revolver in his hand. Valkyrie followed close behind, clad all in black. They gave the ground floor a cursory examination before moving downstairs into the cellar.

The key was in the lock and a section of the floor was open, revealing stone steps descending into the Earth. They followed these steps, sinking deeper into the gloom. They walked in near darkness for a few minutes until they came to the bottom, then walked through a narrow tunnel carved out of the rock. It was brighter down here, their way lit by dozens of small holes designed to catch the sunlight from above and cast it down into the depths.

They stepped out of the tunnel into a cave that split in two directions.

“Which way?” Valkyrie whispered.

Ghastly extended his arm and opened his hand. After a moment, he nodded. “A group of them, headed north.”

“Are you reading the air?” Stephanie asked, frowning.

“Reading disturbances in the air, yes.”

“So do we go after them?”

Ghastly thought about this. “They don’t know the exact location of the Scepter any more then we do. They simply chose that path as the place to start their search.”

“So we should go the other way, hope we find it first?”

“If we can get it without Serpine even knowing we’re here, we can seal the tunnel behind us and trap him while we alert the Elders.”

“Then why are we standing around looking pretty?”

They took the path to their left, moving quickly but quietly. The cave system soon proved itself to be enormous, but Skulduggery assured her he could find the way back without a problem. Here and there, the pinpricks of sunlight opened up to larger streams, which reflected off the rock walls and stabbed through the darkness. Strange plants and mushrooms were growing, but Anton warned her to stay away from them. Even the fungus was dangerous down here.

They had been walking for ten minutes when Valkyrie saw something move ahead of them. She touched Robin’s arm and pointed, and they all stepped back into the shadows to watch.

The thing that lumbered into view was magnificent in its awfulness. Standing well over nine feet tall, its chest was broad and its arms were long, the forearms hugely distorted by bulging muscles. Its hands were the size of dinner plates, tipped with claws built for ripping. Its face was doglike in appearance, like a Doberman’s, and it had a dirty brown mane that ran from the back of its skull and joined the long matted hair on its shoulders.

"Hello, sexy," Robin muttered with a grimace, snapping his fingers so a flame sparked.

They watched it disappear into an adjoining cave.

“Let’s not go that way,” Valkyrie said.

“Good plan,” Anton agreed, and they hurried forward.

Their path took them to the scene of a cave-in, so they doubled back and took another route, moving into a long tunnel. Things scuttled in the shadows beside them and fluttered in the shadows above, but as long as those things didn’t jump out and bite them, Valkryie was okay. Robin crouched, picking something up off the ground. A dusty chocolate-bar wrapper or, as he put it, “A clue.”

Valkyrie looked at him. “Gordon?”

“We’re on the right track.”

They set off again, scanning the ground for any further evidence that Gordon had passed this way. Unfortunately, less then five minutes later Ghastly stopped again and turned, hand out, reading the air before signing something to the other two.

Robin nodded sharply, leaning to whisper in Valkyrie's ear, "We're being followed- Gun out."

She nodded, swallowing as she pulled out the gun and held it firmly, switching off the safety as Robin had showed her in the van.

Ghastly's hand was still held up, feeling the air carefully, "We should back up," he said quietly.

She could hear something, something echoing up to them.

“We should back away a little faster,” he said.

They picked up their pace. Valkyrie had to keep glancing at her feet to make sure she wasn’t about to trip over anything.

She realized the sound she could hear was bounding footsteps. She realized this because they belonged to the dog-faced creature that was now galloping toward them at a terrible pace.

"Aw, fuck," Robin groaned before throwing a fireball at the dog.

"Anton- You got this?" Ghastly asked, grabbing Valkyrie's arm and began jogging away.

"I suppose!" Anton shouted before facing the dog. 

"Run- And don't look back," Ghastly ordered. They both ran, Valkyrie only hearing a loud snarl before the sound of flesh being torn apart. 

Suddenly, the reached another part of the caves, and the place was covered in tentacles.

Ghastly swore as Valkyrie let out a screech, a tentacle wrapping around her leg.

There was something up ahead, a gray mass of flesh, a growth that had spread unchecked and unchallenged in this dark little corner. The tentacles were pulling her toward its center, where a large mouth gaped hungrily, razor teeth dripping with viscous saliva.

Her free hand found a large stone and she grabbed it, holding the sharp edge out as she would a dagger, and she brought it down hard. The stone cut through the tentacles, and she pulled her arm free and was up, running, but more tentacles flexed and shot out. They found her legs and Stephanie hit the ground. She tried to kick out, but they tightened.

There were tentacles everywhere.

The thing, whatever it was, beat with a sickly pulse as it dragged her closer. She couldn’t see any eyes. All it had was its tentacles, and that mouth. … Which meant it operated by its sense of touch.

Valkyrie forced herself to stop struggling. Fighting against every instinct within her, she relaxed her body, and although the speed at which she was moving didn’t change, she felt its grip on her loosen slightly. The other tentacles stopped their approach, but they were already too close. They’d be on her in an instant if she tried to pull away.

Valkyrie lobbed the stone, and it hit a tentacle and bounced away. Sensing another victim nearby, the remaining tentacles slithered after it, searching blindly through the shadows. She took a deep breath and reached for her ankles, waited until the grip was loosened further, and then grabbed the tentacles and ripped them away.

She got up, but instead of running away, she ran forward, toward the thing with the mouth. She leaped onto it, over its gaping maw, and her boot almost slipped on its wet, quivering flesh. She jumped, her hands catching the ledge overhead. She hauled herself up as the tentacles snapped and coiled below, their movements becoming more and more frenzied as the thing searched for its missing prey.

Stephanie didn’t stop to rest. She got to her feet and hurried from the ledge into the gloom of the passage beyond. She fought off the sudden fear that she’d be lost down in these caves forever. It won’t be forever, she chided herself. If one of the monsters doesn’t find me and kill me, I’ll die of thirst anyway within a few days.

Valkyrie couldn’t quite believe she’d just thought that.

Pushing all fears and doubts and pessimistic—though probably realistic—thoughts to the back of her mind, she slowed her pace and concentrated on finding a way back to Ghastly, Robin and Anton. And then she saw a light.

She crept forward until she came to a balcony of rock overlooking a small cavern. She peeked down to see a half dozen humanoid  _things_ \- Actually they looked more like zombies. Zombie papermen.

"Oh, shit," She cursed quietly before silently chastising herself. In the few days stuck with the Dead Men, she had already started cussing like a sailor.

She had sworn because standing in the cave infront of a boulder was the man Valkyrie recognised from picture Satya had shown her of Nefarian Serpine.

Nefarian Serpine had the goddamn sceptre.

 


	11. 11

Satya stretched her arms, chugging down the water from the bottle Mr Bliss handed her, "Thanks," She said, wiping her mouth with her sleeve.

"Eka, I would like to introduce you to Tanith Low," He said, his voice flat and calm. Tanith Low stepped out from behind him, a blonde women clad in tight black leather with a long, sharp sword.

"She will be joining you on the mission in my stead."

Satya smiled at Tanith, "I do love a girl in leathers but I'm curious why you won't be joining us?" She replied.

"China and I are not on good terms and my abilities are better suited here," Bliss replied, not really answering her question, "I'm heading to join Skulduggery and the Elders."

Satya nodded, not pushing the issue. 

"Satya-" Saracen called, his finger pressing against the earpiece he had in. Satya turned to him, "Skulduggery says we're to go in five. Start the shield."

She nodded, swallowing before cracking her knuckles, shaking out her hands and closing her eyes. She felt Saracen place a hand on her shoulder, "Deep breaths," He reminded her.

She took a deep breath before holding out her hands, feeling her fingers begin to warm.

After a few moments, her eyes flickered open, "It's done."

"We're good to go," Saracen muttered into the earpiece, "Going dark in five, four three..."

Tanith and Dexter flanked Saracen and Satya, the two silent Cleavers following behind.

Bliss stood by, his eyes wary as the team descended into the cave entrance half a kilometer away from Serpine's castle.

\------------------

Skulduggery clenched a fist, his other hand resting on his gun as he surveyed the area. On his left stood Hopeless and Erkskine, on his right Morwenna Crow and Sagacious Tome.

Behind them stood fifty cleavers, their helmets gleaming in the sunlight, scythes held across their chests.

Infront of them was the gleaming gates, hiding Serpine's castle. Skulduggery hated this place. He could almost smell the blood that had seeped into the ground. Almost hear the screams of the tortured.

If he concentrated, he could almost make out the trees where he had seen comrades hung, their souls laid bare to the enemy.

"Enough, Skulduggery," Hopeless murmured, "There is no good in dwelling in the past."

"Let me sulk in peace."

"As much as I'd like to, we have work to do," Hopeless said back. 

Skulduggery was going to reply, only for his phone to ring, interrupting.

"It's Valkyrie," He said, reading the name. He answered.

"Yes?"

 _"It's a trap!"_ Valkyrie whispered,  _"Serpine is here- He has the sceptre!"_

"Valkyrie, calm down. Where are you?" He switched the phone to speaker, moving Hopeless and Erkskine away from the Elders so they could hear.

 _"In the caves- I got separated from the others,"_ Valkyrie was whispering, her voice tinged in fear,  _"But the sceptre isn't working- Serpine tried it on one of those paper zombie things-"_

"Hollow men."

_"Whatever- Wait- They're saying something."_

"How did they even get the key?" Erkskine muttered, slightly confused.

_"He said something about needing blood to charge the sceptre- Oh god, he's sending people after me-"_

"Valkyrie, calm down," Skulduggery ordered her before turning to Hopeless, "Try and call Ghastly, they need to get out." To Valkyrie, he said, "You need to get out, find the others and  _run_. We need to make sure he doesn't get his hands on you."

\-----------

Hopeless stood back, dialing Ghastly's number.

 _"_ _Hopeless- Bad timing."_

"Ghastly-" Hopeless closed his eyes, thanking all the gods that his friend had answered, "Serpine has the sceptre and Valkyrie has eyes on him. You need to get her and run- Go check on her parents, make sure Serpine doesn't go after them."

_"Easier said than done- Some tentacles stole her but you can count on us."_

Hopeless ended the call and turned to the others. Skulduggery was still instructing Valkyrie on what to do. Erkskine was starting to pace, "We sent them into a trap," He murmured, pale.

Hopeless winced, "Erkskine," He warned, "Satya, Dexter and Saracen can handle themselves."

"Sorry," Erkskine muttered.

_"Oh god- Robin, you're covered in tentacles-"_

Skulduggery visibly relaxed. 

"What is happening?" Bliss had arrived and he and the two Elders walked over. Skulduggery ended the call before answering, "It's a trap. Nefarian Serpine has his hands on a weapon that could end us all and he baited us with China and the Grand Mage so we would think that he wasn't aware of the weapon's location," He said this calmly and bluntly, his skull giving no emotions.

But Hopeless knew Skulduggery Pleasant well enough to know that the skeleton detective was pissed. Pissed that he had underestimated Serpine, the man who had tortured and murdered his wife and child.

"And this weapon is...?" Elder Crow asked, her robes dragging across the ground as she joined the group.

"The Sceptre of the Ancients."

Elder Tome threw back his head and laughed, "You mean to say that Serpine is after a children's fairytale? Next you'll be saying that his right hand man is the goddamn tooth fairy."

Hopeless sighed, "It's true, old friend," He said, reaching to rest his hand on Tome's arm gently, "And Serpine has a hold of it. But it has no power as of now."

"What do you mean?" Bliss asked. 

"It needs to be charged with the blood of the Ancients," Skulduggery answered, "And the only family that we know of with that blood is the family of Valkyrie Cain."

And that was the first time Hopeless heard Mr Bliss swear.

\------------

Satya felt a drop of sweat trickle down her forehead, her breathing heavy.

Suddenly, Saracen stopped, "Drop the shield," he ordered.

The others looked at him in confusion. "Are you sure?" Dexter asked.

Saracen nodded, his forehead tense and his next words made Satya swear, "The castle's empty."

"It's a trap," Tanith said in realisation, "It's a goddamn trap."

Satya dropped her shield, almost kneeling over in pain, "Serpine's gone after the fucking sceptre and we just sent Valkyrie into the caves after it."

"China's still in here," Saracen said, handing her a bottle of water. 

"Wait- what about the Grand Mage?" Dexter asked, pulling out his phone and stuffing it away almost immediately, no signal.

"I don't know," Saracen said, pulling a face.

"We keep going," Satya said with a sigh, "Get China then get out."

Tanith nodded, sheathing her sword.

"You two-" Satya turned to the cleavers that had come with them, "Go back and join the Elders, tell them what happened."

The cleavers said nothing, turning and began jogging out the way they came.

They reached the main hall of the castle, ugly stone walls surrounding them with flame torches sitting in their brackets on the stone.

"That way-" Saracen led them down stairs and into hallways, into doorways and past empty cells until finally- 

"China-" Satya gasped. "Keys," Saracen pulled out keys that hung on the wall next to the cell, "This is too damn easy."

"Don't say that," Dexter groaned, taking the keys and unlocked the door.

Satya ran in. The cell was covered in sigils, sigils that became into darker hues of blue as the got closer to the woman tucked in the corner of the cell.

Tanith swallowed. She had seen China Sorrows before. The beautiful enchantress who wielded sigils like they were nothing. And now she looked more like a broken doll than anything.

China lifted her head slightly, looking up at Satya with beautiful, piercing blue eyes. Satya swallowed, her fingers gently tracing the line of bruises against her jaw, the gash across her eye that was puffy to the point that she couldn't open it.

"I guess we're even now," China whispered, her tone filled with amusement.

"Up you get," Satya said, helping her to her feet. China let out a small gasp, "Ribs-" Dexter came to her other side, helping her feet.

"We can use the front exit- The castle is totally deserted," Saracen said.

"Serpine's ditched this place- Left me as a calling card," China rasped, "Meritorious is dead and Serpine's set up shop somewhere else."

 


	12. Chapter 12

 

Valkyrie was shaking, suddenly aware at how close she had been to the most evil man on the planet. 

"You okay?" Robin asked, reaching for her arm and rubbing it sympathetically. "There's water in the cooler," Ghastly said, looking in the rearview mirror to see the pale teen.

Robin pulled out a chilled bottle of water and passed it to her. She let out a shaky 'thank you' before opening it, chugging down it's contents in record time. She felt a lot better.

Suddenly, her phone began to ring. It was Melissa.

"Mum- Hey, I'm with a friend-"

 _"Stephanie- Thank god- Where are you?"_ Her mother's voice was frantic and worried.

"Movies- What happened?"

_"Honey, you need to get home now- Fergus, he's been kidnapped-"_

Valkyrie blinked, raising her head to meet the redheaded sorcerer's eyes, "I'm on my way-I'm on the bus-"

_"Oh god, I was worried sick- The police are here, they were just about to come out looking for you. Beryl and the girls are here- they're a mess."_

"I'm almost home- See you soon."

Melissa hung up, leaving Valkyrie gaping at her phone, "Fergus has been kidnapped."

Ghastly swore, "We should have seen this coming." He tossed his phone at Anton, "Text Hopeless- Tell them to meet us at the Edgley's. Satya and Skulduggery will be better at explaining what's happening."

"This was Serpine, wasn't it?" Valkyrie didn't need an answer. The tense silence was enough. 

They pulled into her street. Valkyrie's eyes widened at the site of three police cars outside her house. 

Ghastly swore, "This is going to be fun."

Anton reached into the glovebox and pulled out a bunch of thin books that looked like passports. He sorted through them before handing one to Robin, keeping two before putting the rest back.

Robin flashed Valkyrie a little glimpse at what is was. "Agent Robin Larrikin of the Sanctuary Task Force?" She read out, "Does that actually work?"

"You'd be surprised," He replied with a wide grin. The photo of him was old, his hair was much shorter and was styled similar to how Dexter and Erkskine kept their hair.

They got out of the van and headed towards the cars where three police officers were stationed.

"This is a sanctioned area," A short, stout officer said, "No one is allowed in."

"Agent Anton Shudder of the Sanctuary Task Force," Anton flashed his badge, not giving the policeman the chance to read, "This is Stephanie Edgley, she lives here and we are taking over this investigation."

The other two policemen joined their comrade, "On who's authority?" One asked suspiciously.

"Ours," Ghastly said bluntly, pulling down his hood to reveal his disfigured face, "We are working with the Irish government on this case- You understand, don't you?"

The policemen looked unsure but one hesitantly reached for his radio, "This case has been taken over by a special unit, I repeat, this case has been taken over by a special unit."

Anton nodded sharply before passing the officers and going towards the entrance of the house, his long overcoat flicking one of the officers knees as he went by.

"Steph-" Melissa got up as soon as her daughter walked in, sweeping her into a hug, "We were so worried!"

Valkyrie winced at her mother's tight grip. Melissa eased before stepping away and holding her shoulders, "Are you okay- What are you wearing?"

"Mum," Valkyrie cringed at the sound of her voice, it was a false calm, "Where's everyone?"

"Beryl's in the kitchen having tea and talking to the officers- The girls are there too," Melissa finally realised who had come in with her daughter.

Ghastly used this to his advantage, stepping forward, "Mrs Edgley- We will be handling your brother-in-law's case. Please have a seat while we talk to his wife and daughters."

Melissa nodded, taking Valkyrie's hand and stepping towards the sofa. "Where's dad?" 

"He was on his way from the city when the police came," Melissa said, her tone tinged with worry, "He should be here soon."

000000000000000

Skulduggery suddenly stiffed, "They're using the front doors," he said in wonder, his eyes on Dexter and Satya as they helped a struggling China down the steps of the entrance to the castle.

"Get the gates open," Elder Tome ordered a pair of cleavers who immediately went to fulfill his demands.

Tanith and Saracen flanked the three, swords at the ready. It appeared there was no use though. "The castle is empty," Hopeless murmured, scanning their thoughts, "Eachan is dead-" He blinked, swallowing the sob in his throat, "Oh, god-"

Bliss stood by, his face expressionless as his eyes fell on his sister, battered and bruised. 

"It was a trap the whole time," Erkskine muttered, "What now?"

The gates to the castle opened and the extraction team made their way to them. 

"Where is the Grand Mage?" Crow demanded, "This was not the plan."

"Dead," China replied, wincing as Satya led her to one of the vans, "Serpine had no use for him."

"And you?" Bliss questioned, his voice cold, "What did he want with you?"

"Brother," China greeted, her lip curling in slight disdain, "He came to me to ask whether I would leave my luxury of neutrality and join the dark side. I refused and he decided that I would serve better use as bait."

Satya gently let go of her so China was fully relying on Dexter for support. "You two," She pointed at Tome and Crow, "Need to go back to the Sanctuary- Full lockdown, no one in and no one out. Decide who the next Grand Mage is because we don't have time to mourn." Her words were harsh but they were true, "Serpine won't make a move immediately, he needs supporters so he'll probably reach out to some of the exiles- As soon as you've decided who's in charge, make sure that Serpine has no communication with them."

Crow nodded sharply. Bliss reached for his sister, "I'll take them back- I'll leave ten cleavers at your disposal."

"Take them with you," Skulduggery replied, "The Dead Men have this handled."

Bliss stopped for a moment then nodded, "Come," He ordered China, "I'll take you to Grouse."

"I don't take orders from you," She shot back bitterly but took his arm all the same. Satya watched her for a few moments before turning to face the Dead Men that were present, "Now what?"

"Serpine has the sceptre. It needs to be charged. Ghastly and them are on their way to Haggard to protect Valkyrie's family," Skulduggery said, "We need to get there now and then figure out where on earth Serpine has set up shop."

"This is going to get messy," Satya warned him, "The odds of the Edgleys coming out of this unscathed is not looking good."

The cleavers had finished loading up into the vans, departing.

Suddenly Hopeless' phone went off. He checked the message and sighed, "Fergus Edgley has been kidnapped."

0000000000000

Satya and Skulduggery got out of the Bentley. Satya held her own fake badge, her expression blank. Skulduggery knocked on the door and it opened seconds later by Valkyrie.

"Valkyrie," Satya grasped her arm, "We have two options- What have you told your parents?"

Valkyrie took a breath, "Ghastly and Anton took fake statements and then made up some stuff about how the Sanctuary is treating this of high importance because of how close we are to Gordon- That's it."

Satya nodded, holding her gaze, "Valkyrie, we have two options here."

"One, we make up a story about how the kidnappers want money- Standard kidnapping," Skulduggery said.

"And two?"

"We tell the truth," Satya answered, "Tell your parents about magic- About the danger. Because trust me, if you want to stay in this world then it's going to be hard to keep it from them."

Valkyrie swallowed before nodding, "Tell my parents but keep it from Beryl and the twins- Fergus wanted them safe from magic. The least we can do is honor that."

Satya let go of her, nodding before reaching to give her a hug, "I'm so sorry this has happened," She said with a sigh.

Valkyrie welcomed the hug, her arms wrapped tight around the woman, her face tucked against her shoulder. After a moment she let go and turned to Skulduggery.

"I'm not hugging you," Skulduggery said bluntly. "I wasn't going to," Valkyrie huffed, "I was just going to ask if you're going to show my parents what you really look like."

Skulduggery had put his disguise back on in the car, "Good question- Let's play it by ear, shall we?"

Valkyrie said nothing but led them to the living room where her parents, aunt and cousins sat.

"You!" Beryl raised a bony finger and pointed it at the pair, "You're the ones who came to the will reading- What are you doing here?"

"Mrs Edgley, can we ask you to go to the kitchen with your daughters while we speak to Melissa and Desmond here?" Satya asked kindly. Crystal and Carol got up immediately, both pale and worn out looking, and went into the kitchen.

"Why?" Beryl asked, her face going red, "My husband is missing- Shouldn't you be looking for him?"

"We have agents looking for him as we speak," Robin said, stepping out from behind Ghastly, "Let us speak to them privately, please."

Beryl shot him a glare but huffed all the same, making her way to the kitchen.

Satya held up a hand momentarily before nodding at Skulduggery. 

"What is this about?" Valkyrie had never seen her father so shaken. He was usually the bright and bubbly one, always joking and always sure of himself.

Satya took a seat on one of the armchairs on his left and leaned forward, "Desmond- Do you remember the stories your grandfather told you when you were young?"

Desmond paled, "I don't know what you're talking about."

"Please don't insult me," Satya said with a wry smile, "We were good friends with Gordon, we know all about them."

"What is this about?" Melissa cut in, "Who are you people?"

"Mum," Valkyrie whispered, placing a hand on her mother's arm, "Let them explain."

"The world you know is very different from the truth," Skulduggery said smoothly, placing a hand on Satya's shoulder to interrupt, "Those stories, Desmond, are true."

Desmond gaped at him, "This is a joke."

Satya smiled sadly, "Unfortunately not," She said said before snapping her fingers, a small flame flickered in her palm, so small yet noticeable. 

"What the hell!" Melissa exclaimed, standing up, "Get away-!"

"Please," Satya soothed, "Melissa, sit down and let us explain. Stephanie-" She gestured at Valkyrie, "Perhaps you would be better at explaining."

So, Valkyrie explained. She told them about what happened at Gordon's house. How she met the Dead Men. About magic and war and pain.

And the Dead Men aided when her voice faltered, filling in the gaps when her voice fizzled out before retaining its strength.

Desmond was quiet, his eyes locked on with his daughter's. And when she finally finished her tale, he cleared his throat. 

"You mean to say that the man who killed my brother has kidnapped my other brother?" His voice was calm but tinged with something Valkyrie couldn't pick up. Was it fear? Anger.

"Yes," Skulduggery answered, "In the meantime, as long as Serpine has Fergus, you are safe. But Anton and Robin will stay here for your protection while we look for him."

Melissa held her head in her hands before lifting her head up, "And Gordon's stories- They were true?"

Ghastly let out a slight snort, "They were based on a few events," He said, "But they were mostly fictional."

She gaped at him, "Mostly?"

"More or less."

"I'm not sure if that makes me feel better or worse," She confessed before looking at her daughter, "When all this is over, you are grounded, young lady." Valkyrie said nothing, accepting her mother's judgement with just a sigh and a nod.

"Fergus has been clear that he wanted Beryl and the twins to be away from magic," Satya added, "It was Valkyrie's decision to tell you the truth and we hope you can help us making sure that they stay out of this as much as possible."

Desmond nodding, still slightly pale, "Of course," He said before pulling a face, "Who's Valkyrie?"

Valkyrie winced, "Me," She said, "It's the name that protects me from magical stuff." Desmond looked at her for a moment before nodding, "Magical stuff, got it."

"One more thing," Satya added before reaching up and pulling down Skulduggery's disguise.

It was almost worth the look on Melissa's face.

_Almost._

 


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is more of a filler chapter than anything but enjoy none the less. Also I can't believe Val and Tanith haven't met yet? I need to fix that

"I swear, if you drop that in my car you will never be allowed in here again," Skulduggery warned Satya who was precariously balancing three cups of coffee that the skeleton had finally let her bring into the car.

"Oh, stop being so melodramatic," Satya groaned, taking one of the cups and sipping. Ghastly reached over and grabbed one of the takeaway cups. "You should be more worried for me- I left my car with  _Robin_ of all people."

They pulled into the Sanctuary carpark and went inside only to be met by Cleavers.

"No one is allowed past this point," One issued. "It's okay," Mr Bliss stood out, "Let them pass."

Satya, Skulduggery and Ghastly went through, Bliss by their side. 

"How is she?" Satya asked him.

"Being stubborn- As soon as Grouse left her alone she ran off."

"Typical," She muttered, shaking her head. Skulduggery said nothing.

Dexter stood outside the door to the war room, his expression one of pure pissed-offness.

"Dex," Ghastly was the first to reach him, "What's happening?"

Dexter looked up, straightening to meet them, "Crow's becoming Grand Mage on one condition."

Skulduggery tilted his skull, "Well?"

Dexter sighed, "She said she'll only do it if one of the Dead Men join as an Elder."

Satya stared at him aghast.

"Are you kidding me?" Satya exclaimed, storming into the war room, "We're a war unit- Not politicians!"

In the room sat Hopeless who took one of the cups of coffees in Satya's hand, Saracen who stood against the wall next to Tanith Low who had sheathed her sword. Elder Crow sat at the head of the table, Tome on her right. By the door, Erkskine stood, rubbing his forehead tiredly.

Elder Crow was smiling a twisted smile, "Those are my conditions."

Satya shook her head with a glare. "Having a Dead Man as Elder is a terrible idea," Ghastly said.

"Actually, it's brilliant," Skulduggery commented, "It might be nice having someone who doesn't totally hate me being in charge."

Crow cleared her throat, glaring at the skeleton.

Satya sighed, "I nominate Hopeless."

Hopeless spat out his coffee, "What?"

"Think about it," Ghastly took a seat, "Robin and Dexter act more like four year olds-" Dexter tossed a scrunched up paper at Ghastly, "-Skulduggery has more enemies than friends, Anton barely leaves the hotel and Saracen-"

Saracen raised an eyebrow, "Watch yourself, Bespoke."

"Saracen is a know-it-all, Erkskine's too busy gallivanting the world in his spare time and if Ghastly was too busy to make suits then Skulduggery would throw a fit," Satya finished.

"And you?" Elder Tome asked, his lip curled, "I noticed you haven't stepped down."

"I have too much of a passion for my liquor," Satya said bluntly before turning to Hopeless, "So, how goes it, Dead Man?"

Hopeless swallowed, looking down, "I think it's a terrible idea," He confessed, "But any of the others in my stead would probably mean the end of the world."

"All in favour for Hopeless to join the Council of Elders, say aye," Bliss said.

A chorus of  _aye_ s went around the room. 

"Then it's official," Morwenna Crow announced with a smile that belonged to someone who had got their way, "Hopeless is now an Elder."

"I swear the barista spiked my drink," Satya muttered, shaking his head.

"Now, that is all out of the way," Tome cut in, "Where is Serpine?"

Skulduggery finally spoke, "I received a call from a gentleman who supplies me with information from time to time. A distinctive silver car was seen on Denholm Street, near the docks. I made a call or two, established that almost every building on that street is being leased by a reputable firm. The one exception is a warehouse that has been leased to an individual, Mr. Howard L. Craft.”

Tome frowned. “So?”

“L. Craft. Lovecraft. Howard Philip Lovecraft wrote a series of stories commonly referred to as the Cthulhu Mythos, about dark gods who wanted to rule the Earth. Some historians claim that Mr. Lovecraft based his creations, in part, on legends he had heard about the Faceless Ones.”

Tome grimaced. “That’s your only lead? A trick name Serpine may have used? We don’t have time to be wasting on such vague half clues; we’ve got to act on what we know!”

“Well, what exactly do we know?” Morwenna asked. “We know he has a lunatic scheme to bring back the Faceless Ones, but we don’t know how he intends to do it.”

"He doesn't just need Fergus to charge the Sceptre but to open the portal to the Faceless Ones," Saracen said.

"That's ridiculous," Tome exclaimed, "He'd need the Grotesquery for that."

"Turns out there is more than one way to open up a portal," Satya grumbled, "Courtesy of some late night reading recommendations from the late Gordon Edgley."

"First order of business," Crow said, ignoring them, "Take a group with you to this warehouse- Stake it out and if you find Serpine or the mortal there, then you have the support and might of the full Sanctuary behind you to go after Serpine."

"We'll have to act now," Skulduggery said, "Fergus is only human and I don't want to be the one to tell Valkyrie that her uncle has been used as a human sacrifice."

"We owe Gordon that much," Hopeless said softly.

"I don't care about your debts," Crow said bluntly, "Just get it done."

Skulduggery wrapped the scarf around his face and put on his hat, then looked at the serious faces around him. “Cheer up, everyone,” he said, a new brightness to his voice. “Since we’re all going to die horribly anyway, what’s there to be worried about?”

Satya and Ghastly threw their coffee cups at him.

0000000000

Valkyrie watched as Anton and Robin explained the rules of poker to her cousins. Crystal was being bitchy and impatient while Carol listened as Robin explained the rules, eager for the distraction that the game offered.

Beryl had fallen asleep after breaking down half an hour before. She had suddenly began sobbing, ugly shaky tears that had forced Desmond to leave the room so he didn't break down in laughter at the awful sight.

Melissa had glared at her husband before sitting next to Beryl, rubbing her back and murmuring soothing words.

Beryl had eventually fallen asleep. 

Valkyrie was shocked out of her daze as her phone went off. She let go of Robin's hair which she had been plaiting and picked it up.

 _Everything okay?_ It was Satya. Valkyrie watched Crystal huff, getting up before muttering something about needing some air.

_Beryl kinda broke down, Crystal's gone for a smoke break and the boys are teaching Carol how to play poker._

Satya's response was almost immediate,  _Tell them to hang in there. Skulduggery got some info re Serpine's possible location. This could be over before the night is._

Valkyrie nudged Robin with her leg, showing him the text. He looked over before flashing her a smile, "See! I told you to stay optimistic," he whispered before shuffling the deck of cards he held.

Valkyrie put down her phone and continued plaiting his hair. It was an oddly calming exercise, something Robin had claimed that all the Dead Men did when they got bored or jittery- Including Skulduggery which Valkyrie wasn't sure she believed.

After a few minutes, Carol looked up, "Crystal should be back by now," She said worriedly.

"I'll check on her," Anton said, getting up. Valkyrie dropped Robin's hair and got up as well, deciding to go to her parents.

"Ever played horse?" Robin asked Carol, gaining her attention with a wild grin.

Valkyrie left them to it, walking towards her parents' bedroom with a heavy heart. She could her parents' low voices from outside their bedroom door which was slightly ajar.

She knocked lightly, pushing it open. Immediately, their voices ceased. "Hey, honey," Melissa said tiredly. She was sitting on the edge of the bed, Desmond lying on it with a pillow covering his face. Melissa reached out a hand.

Valkyrie took her hand and let her mum lead her towards the bed, allowing her to pull her into a hug. She relished in the warmth for a moment before pulling away, "I think we need to talk."

"That's what we're supposed to say!" Desmond sat up, his tone accusing, "Mel, tell her- It's the parents' job to say that."

Melissa shot her husband a glare. "Yes, dear," He replied sullenly, hugging the pillow.

"But yes," Melissa sighed, "We should talk."

Desmond shuffled over so he was next to Valkyrie, wrapping an arm around her, "Yes, we should."

"I'm so sorry for not telling you about the break-in," Valkyrie said quietly, looking down at her hands, "I should've told you but Skulduggery and the others came and saved me and I just got sucked in to the magic and I couldn't-"

"Sweetie," Melissa soothed, "It's okay, it's okay." She rubbed her back, "I always said you were too much like your uncle," She said with a wry smile, "Always looking for an adventure- This boring place was never good enough for you."

Valkyrie said nothing to defend herself. After all, hadn't she been thinking the same thing just days ago? Haggard had always been too dull. She had lived vicariously through her uncle's wild stories and fiction, too enamored by the glamour to bother with the real world. And when the living skeleton offered her the chance to leave the boring world of reality, she took it in a heartbeat.

"I just can't believe all the stories were real," Desmond confessed before tilting his head, "And I can't believe I've been so blind."

Valkyrie rested her head on her dad's shoulders before biting her lip, "Maybe after all this is over... I could keep learning magic? Satya offered for the Dead Men to take me on as their apprentice."

Melissa swallowed, "Maybe we should talk about this once we get Fergus back."

Valkyrie nodded glumly, her head still resting against Desmond's shoulder.

 

 

 


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm thinking about starting another work with all my oneshots and ideas for this fic series that don't really fit but include the characters. I'll link it here when I set it up :)  
> This chapter is very back and forth, I realise. It's more me trying to balance each different scene into one chapter so it ties together.

Beryl and the Toxic twins were back at home. Anton had received a call from Skulduggery summoning him and Robin to the Sanctuary- "If Serpine has Fergus then he really won't care about that lot". Robin had the keys to Satya's car and was unsuccessfully trying to convince Melissa and Desmond to let him take Valkyrie with him to the Sanctuary to rendezvous with the rest of the Dead Men.

"I think not," Melissa said firmly, "If she knew some magic or kung-fu or something to defend herself then I would consider it but seeing as she doesn't-"

"She'll be under protection! She won't even be near the battle- She'll be watching from a computer screen!" 

Melissa's deadly glare was enough to silence him, "I'll compromise- After Fergus is safe and this Serpine man is gone, then she can go with you," She said firmly. Desmond nodded from beside her, his expression a mixture of wistfulness and fear.

Robin pouted before turning to the teenager, "Well, it was worth the try," He said forlornly, "I'll call you with updates."

Valkyrie waved halfheartedly as he drove off in Satya's Porsche before following her parents inside.

000000000000000

Fergus Edgley opened his eyes to harsh bright lights. His eyes flickered shut before opening, readjusting to the light.

He was alone.

He was tied to a chair.

There were needles in his arm.

All these thoughts came to him groggily as he looked around the grimy room. 

_Oh god, oh god, oh god- Think._

Fergus swallowed. His hands were tied to the arm rests of a chair- a rickety wooden thing. His sleeves had been rolled up messily to allow the IV drip needle to go into his arm. The line connected to a plastic bag, with a strange filter separating what looked to be his blood and another fiery substance. If he looked closely, he could see the strange symbols covering the bag, faintly etched but not tearing through the plastic. Magic.

He swallowed again, "Hello?" No reply came so he raised his voice, "Hello!"

000000000000

By the time Skulduggery, Dexter and Satya got to Denholm Street, day had been beaten back and the night was soaking through the city. It was a long street, dirty and quiet. The Bentley pulled up outside the warehouse. Ghastly, Tanith and Erkskine were waiting for them when they got out, having come separately.

“Anyone inside?” Skulduggery asked, checking that his gun was loaded.

“Not as far as we can tell,” Ghastly said, “but they could be masking their presence."

“They aren’t here,” Skulduggery said.

“How do you know?” Dexter asked.

“Serpine used this place for something, something big and strange enough to raise a few eyebrows. He’d know eyebrows were being raised, he’d know I’d hear about it, so he’s already moved on.”

“Then why are we here?” Erkskine asked, raising an eyebrow, "This is obviously another one of Serpine's traps."

“You can only anticipate what someone is going to do if you know exactly what that someone has just done."

Satya pulled a face, "You stole that from Hopeless," She said accusingly.

"I did no such thing, how dare you?"

They approached the single door, and Tanith put her ear against it and listened. After a moment, she put her hand over the lock, but instead of the lock breaking, this time they heard it click.

"Neat party trick," Satya said with a grin, "Put us elementals to shame, why don't you?" Tanith flashed her a smile in response.

The door led straight into the warehouse office, a dark, poky room with a desk and an empty cork-board. The place obviously hadn’t been used by any reputable company for quite some time. The office had a door that opened out to the warehouse proper, and beside it a grime-covered window that Dexter peered through.

“Seems quiet enough,” he said.

Skulduggery hit a few switches on the wall, and lights flickered on. They walked out onto the warehouse floor. There were pigeons in the rafters high above them, cooing and hooting and fluttering from one perch to the next, startled by the sudden light. They walked to the middle of the warehouse, where an array of what appeared to be medical machinery was collected around an operating table. Satya looked at Skulduggery.

“Any brilliant ideas?” she asked.

He hesitated. “Let’s get the obvious out of the way. A lot of these machines would suggest that some kind of transfusion took place here.”

Tanith held up a tube, examining the residue within. “I’m not a doctor, but I don’t think this is the result of medical research.”

“Magic, then,” Ghastly said.

"Probably trying to suck the magic out of Fergus' blood," Satya said in realisation, "Why keep stealing mortals when you can farm the magic in house?"

"There's something not right," Skulduggery said quietly, “There are two sets of needles, two IV bags, two of everything—enough to take care of two separate operations."

Ghastly muttered something before speaking up, "So, the Edgleys are still in danger?"

"No, I don't think so," Skulduggery murmured, leaning down to get a closer look at the IV bags, "I think Serpine was trying to transfer the magic to himself."

"Makes sense," Tanith said, "Religious fanatic and all- Probably wants to offer himself up to his gods."

Suddenly, _Hopeless_ by Dionne Farris started playing. Satya sighed and pulled out her phone, answering it, "Speak." She listened before stiffening, "The Sanctuary's under attack- Another goddamn trap- Serpine is there with the Hollow Men and Sagacious Tome is working for Serpine."

"I fucking knew it," Erkskine muttered.

 

Satya rubbed her forehead, "What do we do now?"

"We have to go back and help," Ghastly said, "If Serpine's there then he probably has the sceptre charged and ready."

"Which means Fergus won't be needed anymore," Dexter reminded them, "Serpine won't care what happens to him."

"So he's dead?" Tanith wrinkled her nose, "That sucks."

"Just a bit," Satya said with a sigh, "I didn't like the man but still-"

 

"Shut up," Skulduggery said suddenly, interrupting them.

"Excuse you?" Satya asked in offence. "I said shut it," the skeleton replied promptly, "I hear someone."

They immediately shut up and Tanith tilted her head, "I hear it too," She said before slowly walking down one of the hallways and stopping outside a door.

"I can't hear anything," Erkskine said.

Tanith placed her hand against a seemingly boring wooden door, unlocking it. It swung open to reveal a man, tied to a chair and calling for help. As soon as the door opened he had stopped mid call, his expression faltered and was replaced with one of anger, "You!" 

"Well," Satya said, "I do believe we've found Fergus."

00000000000

Hopeless' heart was pounding. His eyes flickered back and forth between the people around him, the voices in his head becoming louder and louder as they mixed with the voices that were actually speaking to him. He stumbled slightly but caught himself leaning on one of the pillars that held a statue, breathing hard. 

"-pless-" Saracen's face was close to his, "Hopeless- Come back to me-" He urged. His touch was calming, grounding. Anton stood behind Saracen, his expression guarded but his eyes filled with worry.

"They found Fergus." Hopeless snapped to attention at Saracen's words, his head clearing, "The sceptre is charged," he said in realisation, taking a deep breath. 

"The Hollow Men are contained to the third level-" He heard Bliss say, "We've managed to down atleast a third of them. No casualties."

"Morwenna's dead," Hopeless whispered, straightening. "Fight now, mourn later," Anton reminded him grimly. It was the mantra that had kept them going through the war.

Watch your comrades burn and fall to the ground. But you're not allowed to cry till it's over. 

Hopeless replayed the events in his head. He could see snatches of what happened. 

_Morwenna leading them towards the Book of Names to instill Hopeless' will to protect the book. Tome waiting till their backs were turned. The sword going through her chest. Her falling. Tome teleporting out. Hopeless clutching her body._

He swallowed before nodding, "I'm okay." Anton grasped his arm to support his weight. 

Hopeless focused, listening to the thoughts around them. 

"The book is secure," Saracen said after a moment, "Bliss has an army of cleavers guarding it."

Hopeless heard his thoughts and spoke for him, "It's not enough." He shared a look with his brothers before heading towards Bliss.

"Fergus Edgley is safe," Anton told Bliss who nodded.

"I want you by the Book," Bliss said, "Perhaps your gist can keep the Hollow Men at bay."

Anton nodded sharply before squeezing Hopeless' arm and leaving, his black coat flowing behind him like a cape.

Saracen took his place, supporting Hopeless.

"Where are the rest of your unit?" Bliss asked Saracen briskly. 

"Ghastly is taking Fergus home and the rest of them should be here soon," Saracen said before swearing, "The cells are down- there's no way to reach them and Serpine has the main entrances covered."

"Serpine's thought this through," Hopeless said with a sigh, "The best we can do is hope for the best."

00000000000

The Bentley reached the Waxwork Museum, as if it was holding its breath. The stars were obscured by a veil of dark clouds, and as they left the Bentley and approached the rear entrance, the rain fell steadily. On the street beyond the museum’s gates, cars splashed through puddles, and the occasional pedestrian hurried by with his head down. Skulduggery moved quickly but cautiously up to the open door, and Satya, Dexter, Erkskine and Tanith followed.

The Waxworks Museum was silent. As they walked through the exhibits to the hidden door, Skulduggery slowed and eventually came to a complete stop.

“What’s wrong?” Satya whispered.

He turned his head slowly, peering into the darkness. “I don’t want to alarm anybody, but we’re not alone.”

That’s when they came, the Hollow Men, detaching themselves from the shadows with only the faintest rasp of warning. In an instant, they were surrounded by the mindless, heartless, soulless things.

Tanith waded through them, her sword strokes deliberate and devastating, every move claiming another unlife. Satya and Skulduggery clicked their fingers and a group of Hollow Men was suddenly alight. The flames ate through their skin and ignited the putrid gas trapped inside, and with a burst of fire and heat the Hollow Men fell. Dexter sent beams of light at the Men coming at them, causing them to stumble back once they found they had holes in their chest before collapsing.

Finally, they got through the hoard. "Cell tower's down," Erkskine said, pocketing his phone.

The hidden door to the Sanctuary hung open like a gaping wound. A dead Cleaver lay just inside. 

"Hopeless or Saracen will know we're here," Satya said, "We have to assume they're holed up somewhere."

"I just figured out what Serpine's after," Skulduggery said suddenly, pulling out his gun, "The Book of Names."

Satya swore, "That explains Meritorious and Morwenna- If Hopeless didn't get sworn in properly-"

"Then the Book is open season," Dexter finished.

The Sanctuary’s foyer had witnessed most of the carnage. It was littered with the dead. There were no wounded here, there were no dying, there were only corpses. Some had been cut to ribbons, some were unmarked, and there were places, spread across the floor, where there was only the dust of those who had fallen before the Sceptre.

"Oh god," Tanith murmured, "I mean- I knew the stories were true but it's completely different when it's staring you in the face."

They passed the Administrator. His body was curled, his fingers hooked and frozen in death. His face was a mask of agony. A victim of Serpine’s red right hand. 

"Satya, mask us," Skulduggery said quietly. Satya nodded and with in seconds, they were camouflaged into the walls, like they didn't exist.

They slowly made their way down hallways and up staircases.

"Shit," Satya swore as they came across a cleaver.

"Just a cleaver, keep going," Skulduggery ordered.

It slowly turned to them, staring through Satya's mask. Satya's tricks only worked with people with minds. And Cleavers barely had them.

"It's different," Satya whispered, "I can feel something- I think it's being controlled by Necromancy."

She dropped the shield.

Erkskine swore as the Cleaver pulled out its scythe and slowly began moving towards them.

Tanith drew her sword and Dexter's hands lit up. "We'll hold him off," Dexter said, wincing as he prepared, "Run."

The Cleaver's scythe glinted dangerously. He started twirling his scythe, and Tanith raised an eyebrow. “Come and have a go if you think you’re hard enough.”

He lunged, and she blocked and sprang at him, her sword slicing through the air. He ducked back and blocked, spinning as the scythe whistled over Tanith’s head. Her sword clashed with his blade and then the handle of the scythe, and his blade clashed with her sword and then the lacquered scabbard she still held in her left hand.

She ducked under his guard, staying in close, where she had the advantage, where he couldn’t maneuver the scythe.

His blocks were lightning fast but he was on the defensive, and one of her strikes would get through eventually. Her sword sliced through his side and he stumbled back, out of range. Tanith looked at the blood on his white coat and gave him a smile. Then the blood started to darken, and a black stain moved over the red.

Her smile dropped, and the bleeding stopped altogether.

The last thing Satya saw as they ran was Dexter's hands sending pulses of light at the Cleaver. But they didn't deter it.

"Thank god-" She heard Erkskine say. She looked up and saw Saracen looking grim.

Skulduggery was the first to reach him, "What's happening?" Saracen swallowed, "Hopeless is safe, Anton's guarding the book and the Hollow Men are slowly making their way up from the third floor, " He reported, "As soon as Tome disappeared we retreated to the upper levels- What happened in the foyer?"

"Sceptre took out everyone- The Administrator is dead," Satya told him, following him, "And there's a Cleaver- it's different- it's under Serpine's control. Tanith and Dexter are fighting it but I don't know how long they can go against it."

"We need Valkyrie," Skulduggery said suddenly.

"Are you crazy?!" Saracen exclaimed, "There's no way we're bringing her in to a war zone."

"Unless you can touch the Sceptre without turning to dust then we need her," Skulduggery shot back. His shoulders slumped, "I don't want to do this but she's the only person that can be of use right now. The Book is not safe no matter how many Cleavers are protecting it."

Satya swallowed before looking at all her fellow Dead Men. "Okay, how do we do this?"

 


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Some of this is directly out of the original book just fyi

Valkyrie lay on her bed, fully dressed in the clothes that Ghastly had made her. Her parents had told her to go to sleep about an hour ago once the call came that Fergus was home, safe and sound. But she couldn't sleep. Every few minutes, she checked her phone to make sure no text messages had evaded her only to find a blank screen.

She finally gave up and decided to just stare at the ceiling. After a few minutes of inactivity, her phone began buzzing. She shot up and checked the caller ID, only to find a number she didn't recognise.

"Hello?"

 _"Valkyrie- It's Ghastly. I'm outside your window."_ Valkyrie walked to the window and pulled apart her curtains, feeling a sense of deja vu. She slid up the window and looked down to see the tailor standing below. She hung up the phone, "What's going on?" 

His expression was grim and dark, "Serpine's invaded the Sanctuary," He told her, "He has the Sceptre and the only chance we have of getting it is you. Are you up for it? It's going to be dangerous," He warned.

Valkyrie nodded immediately before frowning, "My parents will notice if I'm gone- They're probably going to keep checking up on me."

“Go to your mirror.”

“I’m sorry?”

“Go to your mirror and draw this symbol on it.”

He sent a wave of wind to boost up a small card that showed an eye in a circle with a wavy line through it.

“What’s this for?”

“It’s to help you. Go on.”

She frowned, then she opened her wardrobe and used the chalk to copy the symbol onto the mirror on the other side of the door. When she was done, she tossed down the chalk and card.

“Repeat after me: Surface speak, surface feel, surface think, surface real. Then wipe the symbol off."

She followed his instructions.

“What is going on? What am I doing? Did I just cast a spell on my mirror?”

“Yes. Could you wipe the symbol off?”

“Well, what does the spell do?” she asked as she used her sleeve to erase the chalk.

“You’ll see,” he answered. “Are you wearing a watch?"

“My watch broke. I wore it swimming. I thought it was waterproof.”

“Was it?”

“As it turned out, no. Why do you need to know the time?”

“Oh, I don’t. Touch the mirror.”

She narrowed her eyes. “Why?”

“Touch it.”

Vakyrie hesitated, then did as he said and reached out, touching her fingers lightly against the mirror. But when she pulled back, her reflection did not. She watched in amazement as her reflection blinked, as if awakening from a trance, then dropped its arm to its side and looked around. Then, very slowly, it stepped out through the mirror.

“Oh my God …,” Stephanie said, moving back as the reflection joined her in the room. “Oh my God,” she said again, because she couldn’t think of anything else to say.

“It will carry on with your life while you’re away, so you won’t be missed.”

Valkyrie stared. “She’s me.”

“Not she, it. And it isn’t you, it’s a surface copy. It walks like you, talks like you, behaves like you, and it should be enough to fool your parents and anyone else it comes into contact with. When you return, it goes back into the mirror- Hopefully you won't need it for more than a couple of hours."

"Okay," Valkyrie said, her eyes wide as she surveyed the reflection. 

"Give it instructions and then jump down," Ghastly called. 

"Um..." Valkyrie bit her lip, "Pretend to sleep when my parents come to check on me and if I'm not here when they wake me up then pretend to be me until I'm back?"

The reflection nodded then made its way to her bed, getting in.

"Weird," She muttered before grabbing her phone and slipping it in her pocket, "And lock the window behind me!"

000000000000

Valkyrie listened quietly as Ghastly explained what he knew. Apparently, Serpine had cut off all communications to outside the Sanctuary but Satya had managed to break one of sigils and get a message to Robin who had just reached the Sanctuary when he called. Luckily, Ghastly was still in Haggard and was able to pick Valkyrie up. 

Valkyrie wanted to say that the Dead Men worked with a whole lot of luck and coincidences but held her tongue.

Morwenna Crow was dead and Sagacious Tome was a traitor. She hadn't seen that coming either. Now, Serpine was after the Book of Names- which apparently held every single given, taken and true name of ever sorcerer ever - and was slowly but steadily making his way to the upper floors where the remaining Sanctuary staff had managed to barricade themselves to. The Repository - where the Book was kept - was being guarded by Anton Shudder and a man called Mr Bliss, who happened to be China's brother, as well as a heapload of Cleavers but they knew Serpine had infiltrated the floor below so it was only a matter of time .

"Satya, Skulduggery, Erkskine and Saracen will meet us on the floor under where Serpine is- And hopefully Robin too. Serpine's abandoned it already since there's nothing of use there. Dexter and Tanith-"

"Who's that?"

"She's a freelancer Adept who works for Bliss. Anyway, last they saw, Dexter and Tanith were battling a super-Cleaver that was under Serpine's control."

Valkyrie wiped her sweaty palms against her pants, suddenly understanding the gravity of the situation. 

Ghastly seemed to sense her unease and reached to grab her hand. His larger hands engulfed hers, but they were warm and smooth despite the scars, and reassuring. "You don't have to do this if you don't want to," He said softly.

"No-" She shook her head, "I want to- You've all helped me so much and I-" She swallowed, "I'm so grateful for what you did for Fergus- even though I don't like him much- And Gordon. If he was here he would've helped and I won't let him down."

Ghastly smiled, his eyes back on the road, "He was a good man," He said, "He was always so proud of you and if I know anything about Gordon it's that he would be sick with worry but proud of what you're doing."

Valkyrie looked down at their hands, her heart heavy but content. She was going to save the goddamn world.

00000000000

Valkyrie felt bile rise in her throat as they stepped over the dead body of a man. There was no blood around it, just the grim look of shock on his face. There were piles of dust around the place, and it took her a moment to realise that they had been people- murdered by the Sceptre.

"Shit-" Ghastly started. Valkyrie looked up and saw a couple stumbling towards them. Ghastly rushed to them and helped a blonde woman support Dexter Vex who was covered in blood, his head swinging low and his feet catching.

"Ghastly, thank god-" The woman spoke with a thick British accent. She wore black leathers that seemingly covered up the fact that she was covered in Dexter's blood, "The bloody Cleaver caught his stomach- His guts are practically hanging out."

Ghastly swore, helping his brother stand, "Dexter," He clicked his fingers in front of Dexter's face. Dexter only groaned. 

"Take my van," Ghastly handed Tanith Low his keys, "Go to Grouse and tell him to prepare, I have a feeling he's going to have a lot more patients."

Tanith nodded sharply, half dragging, half leading Dexter towards the exit when her gaze fell on Valkyrie. She tilted her head before nodding, "You must be Valkyrie," She said with a wry grin, "I would love to stay and chat but-"

"Yeah," Valkyrie cut in, "Don't let Dexter's guts fall out."

"Watch out for the Cleaver," Tanith warned them in farewell, "I managed to trap it in a room but it's probably out by now." Dexter gurgled something, raising his head slightly before relaxing against her. 

"Come on," Ghastly grabbed Valkyrie's arm, "There isn't enough time. We need to find the others."

Surprisingly, there wasn't anyone to come across as they steadily made their way up a few levels. The only remains of people being dust and the dead bodies of a few cleavers as well as some deflated putrid smelling corpses of what Valkyrie recognised as Hollow Men. Nevertheless, Valkyrie kept her hand wrapped tightly around the gun that Ghastly had given her in the car.

Suddenly she felt something push against her. She let out a loud gasp and fell back, an arm wrapping around her and a hand covering her mouth.

"SH!" She heard a man mutter, "It's just us!" She relaxed immediately, recognising Erskine's voice.

"You probably gave her a heart attack," Ghastly muttered, shaking his head. He reached Valkyrie's side. Erkskine let go of Valkyrie and she was able to turn to see Saracen and Skulduggery leaning against a wall, Satya standing straight with her hands out, a look of immense concentration on her face. Robin was pacing but stopped when his eyes rested on her. His hair was still in the braids that Valkyrie had done earlier that night at her house.

"Glad you could join us," Skulduggery said dryly. "Well, you didn't exactly give us much to go on," Ghastly replied. 

Satya was about to say something when the whole building began to shake and she stumbled, consequently weak from holding up the masking shield with the fragment of Necromancy she had. Skulduggery caught her and swore. Specks of dust began to come from the ceiling, a low rumble could be heard.

"He's bringing down the fucking building," Saracen said. Skulduggery let go of Satya and grabbed Valkyrie's arm, "We need to run, he's trying to distract us-"

Just as he spoke, the wall exploded in a volcano of rocks and boulders. Plaster filled the air with dust.

The last thing Valkyrie saw before Skulduggery tugged at her was a large boulder smashing into Satya. She didn't make a sound as she crashed against the wall harshly, before falling to the ground like a rag doll. She didn't get up.

"Go!" Saracen yelled at them, "I'll manage!"

Valkyrie ran, her heart pounding. Ghastly flanked her, making sure she didn't stumble over the rocks that now covered the ground. Erkskine and Robin were nowhere to be seen, probably brought down like Satya had been.

Suddenly, Ghastly swore. They slowed down to a halt.

A cleaver stood there, silent as a ghost, deadly as a plague. Valkyrie made the connection just as the Cleaver drew his scythe.

“Valkyrie,” Ghastly said, “get behind me.”

Valkyrie backed up until she was beside Skulduggery.

“I’ll hold him off,” Ghastly said. “You stop Serpine.” He clicked his fingers, a spark forming in his palm.

Valkyrie felt Skulduggery touch her arm, and they moved off.

“You’re going to have to go after the Sceptre,” Skulduggery whispered as they jogged through the corridor. “You can get close to it; I can’t. It’s not much of a plan, but sometimes simplicity is the way to go.”

The Repository was just ahead. They slowed, and Skulduggery gripped both her arms and turned to her. “But you listen to me. If it goes wrong, if we lose the element of surprise, I want you to get out of here. No matter what happens to us, I want you to run, do you understand?”

Valkyrie swallowed. “Yes.”

He hesitated. “Serpine used my wife and child as a weapon against me. In order to do so, he had to kill them. He took my family’s death and he made it about me. Valkyrie, when you die, it will be your death, and yours alone. Let it come to you on your own terms.”

She nodded.

“Valkyrie Cain,” he said, “it has been an absolute pleasure knowing you.”

She looked back at him. “You too.”

If he’d had lips, she knew, he’d be smiling.

They sneaked up to the doors. They were already open, and Valkyrie could see Serpine, the Scepter in his hand and his back to them, taking slow, deliberate steps toward the Book of Names. Sagacious Tome was watching, but he too had his back to the doors.

"Anton wouldn't have left unless something bad happened," Skulduggery muttered.

"I think something bad happened," Valkyrie whispered back. She suddenly wished she had said goodbye. Thanked the Dead Men. Kissed her parents goodnight. Called Fergus to make sure he was okay. 

She hesitated, then passed into the Repository and crept to her left. She reached a heavy table laden with artifacts and peered around. Serpine had stopped walking, and for a moment she thought he knew she was there; but as she watched, he turned and walked back, shaking his head.

“It’s still too strong,” he said.

“It’s as weak as it’s going to get,” Sagacious Tome said. “I thought with Meritorious and Morwenna dead, the barrier wouldn’t pose a problem. But I can’t withdraw my contribution to the spell, not without the others joining me in the ceremony.”

Serpine rejoined Tome, arching an eyebrow. “Then perhaps we shouldn’t have killed them.”

“I didn’t kill them!” Tome said defensively. “You did!”

Valkyrie stayed low as she crept from behind the table. Serpine laughed. “I may have been the one to turn them to dust, but you set them up, Sagacious; you drew them in. You betrayed them.”

Tome spun on Serpine, jabbing at the space between them with his finger. “No, I didn’t! It was their weakness that led to their downfall, their own shortcomings. They had all this power, and they were satisfied to just—to just sit there and let it all go to waste.”

“Until recently, I had never thought of you as ambitious. …”

“No one did. ‘Sagacious Tome,’ they said, ‘he’s a nonentity. He’s not the strongest, he’s not the wisest … he’s nothing.’ That’s what they said. I know it. For years, people have been underestimating me. It’s time people recognized my power.”

Valkyrie got to her hands and knees and started crawling. She was in shadow and they weren’t looking her way, but if either turned, there was a chance he would see her. Stephanie wasn’t in the mood to take any chances.

“I’m going to make them pay,” Tome was saying. “Everyone who ever questioned me. The streets will run red with their blood.”

“How dramatic,” Serpine said, and raised his hand. Valkyrie saw the Book lift off its pedestal and hover there for a moment; then he grunted impatiently and let it drop again.

“I told you, that’s not going to work!” Tome said. “It’s how close you are to getting it. It doesn’t have to be physically close; it isn’t a physical barrier. It’s a mental barrier!”

She held her breath. She was behind the pillar next to them. Serpine’s voice was so close, he could have been speaking right into her ear. “So with you, the final Elder, remaining, the barrier isn’t sufficiently weakened to let me through, is that right?”

“Yes, but that’s not my fault! I did what I could!”

“Yes you did, yes you did. And now there’s one more thing you can do to help solve this little problem.”

“What are you talking about?” Tome asked, and then his tone changed suddenly, became afraid. “What are you doing? Point that thing somewhere else, Serpine. I’m warning you, point that—”

There was a black flash, and silence.

After a moment, she heard Serpine’s footsteps move off again, and Valkyrie dared to look. He was walking slowly, concentrating on the Book, his back to her.

This was the only chance she was going to get.

She crept out from behind the pillar, ignoring the fresh pile of dust at her feet. There was no way she could close the distance without giving herself away. He’d hear her, sense her, whatever. But he was holding the Scepter in his hand so loosely. …

Valkyrie narrowed her eyes and stepped forward.

He had heard her and was turning, but she didn’t care. The Sceptre was coming up, the black crystal starting to glow. She flexed her fingers and splayed her hand, snapping her palm and pushing at the air, and the space around her hand rippled and the Sceptre flew from Serpine’s grasp—flew away from them both and hit the far wall.

Serpine hissed in anger and turned. They heard the Sceptre start to sing as Skulduggery sprinted. He dived into the air, and the space around him shimmered and he shot forward. He crashed into Serpine, taking him off his feet.

They hit the pedestal and it toppled, the Book falling as they sprawled onto the ground. Skulduggery was the first to stand, and he hauled Serpine up, shoved him against a pillar, and fired off a punch that jerked his head back.

Serpine lunged, but Skulduggery snagged his wrist and stepped in and then under the arm. He turned and wrenched, and Serpine yelled in pain as a loud crack echoed through the chamber.

Serpine tried gathering purple vapor in his hand, but Skulduggery batted the hand away and chopped into the side of his neck. Serpine gagged and dropped back, and Skulduggery kicked his legs out from under him.

“You never could fight worth a damn,” Skulduggery said, standing over him. “But then, you didn’t need to, did you? Not when you had lackeys to do the fighting for you. Where are your lackeys now, Nefarian?”

“I don’t need them,” Serpine muttered. “I don’t need anyone. I’ll crush you myself. Grind your bones to dust.”

Valkyrie ran for the Sceptre just as Serpine rushed at the skeleton but received a kick and two punches, forcing him to his knees.

She was pushing herself off the ground when she realized that the Book of Names was lying open right beside her. She glanced at the pages, and the columns of names started to rearrange themselves before her eyes. She saw her own name written there, but she looked up when she heard Skulduggery grunt.

Serpine was on his knees, but his lips were moving, and the wall behind Skulduggery came alive with hands that reached out and grabbed him. Skulduggery was pulled back, and Serpine stood. There was a series of dull cracks and pops as Serpine’s broken bones mended and realigned.

“Where are your oh-so-clever taunts now, Detective?”

Skulduggery swore as he got pulled in to the wall.

Serpine turned and saw how close Valkyrie was to the Sceptre before raising his hand.

"I think the fuck not!" Valkyrie heard someone shout before a fireball hit Serpine, causing him to scream and fall back. Valkyrie looked up and grinned. Robin had arrived, covered in a fine layer of dust. He aimed a punch at Serpine which met his mark, blood spouting out of his nose as he was snapped back.

Serpine hissed, spitting out blood and dodging the next punch Robin sent his way.

Valkyrie scrambled towards the Sceptre and grabbed it, "Move out of the way!" She screamed. Robin looked over and swore before diving away from Serpine who had raised his bloody, red hand towards him.

And then he was gone.

"Well," Skulduggery wrestled his way out of the wall, "That was certainly anti-climatic."

 

 


	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Your girl has no life which is why she's been posting a chapter a day. It just hit me that a lot of people tend to post once a week but I have no self control so have a chapter a day :) Also, I ship it hardcore.... Lowkey sexy times ahead. Btw this is not the last chapter even though it is in the actual book. I have some oneshot ideas that I could tie into the book so yeah :)

Hopeless was finally free. Bliss had been in charge of making sure that Hopeless wasn't touched during the situation with Serpine but that didn't sit well with the Dead Man. 

While he had no defense magic, he did know what it was like on a battlefield. The fact that he had been kept in a room that blocked him off from the rest of the world did not make him happy.

He finally got out of the armoured car that a cleaver had ushered him into, looking out to the Hibernian Cinema where Krenspeckle Grouse ran his clinic.

Satya's Porsche and Ghastly's van was parked outside along with three other cars that Hopeless didn't recognise.

His Cleaver detail followed him silently as he walked in to the old cinema. 

He finally came across his brothers- and sister.

Satya was curled up on a bed. Erkskine was at the foot of the bed, his head resting by her as he slept. 

Anton was lying on the next bed, his arm covering his face. Robin had forced him to shuffle over so he could sit on the bed next to him, murmuring something that had caused the gist-user's lips to turn slightly. Ghastly had fallen asleep on the bed next to them, his shirt soaked in blood.

Hopeless read his thoughts and swallowed. The White Cleaver had managed to get him as well but had retreated randomly. Hopeless suspected it was when Serpine died, the bond between master and servant broke.

Dexter was on the forth bed, sitting up with winces and grunts as Doctor Grouse bandaged him up. Saracen stood, facing away from Hopeless as he watched. Once Dexter spotted Hopeless, he managed a weak grin, "His Royal Highness has decided to finally grace us."

"Don't start," Hopeless warned him before allowing their thoughts of what happened to flow through his head, he winced slightly, "Where is she?"

"Skulduggery's taking her home," Satya answered, sitting up with a wince as she pressed a hand to her ribs, "It was hard to say but I think she's taking the whole thing pretty well."

"Revenge is sweet," Anton said dryly, "Even if you are just a twelve-year old girl."

"I'm glad she did it," Satya confessed, "If it had been Skulduggery..." She trailed off before swallowing, "I don't know what that would've done to him."

"He wouldn't have anything to focus on," Saracen said softly.

Grouse tsked, "The whole lot of you are dark people," He said, "Bringing an innocent girl into all of this- I don't know what you were thinking."

None of the Dead Men responded. They had dealt with the guilt already.

Tanith walked out of the bathroom where she had been soaking in some solution Grouse had forced her into before stopping when she saw all the grim expressions, "I thought we'd be having more of a party."

00000000000000000

"Can you tell my parents that you did it?" Valkyrie's voice broke the silence. 

She could see Skulduggery's head turn towards her from the corner of her eye. 

After a moment, he spoke, "Of course. I think it'll cause too much trouble if we mention we snuck you out to fight an evil overlord."

"Forgot about the sneaking away part," Valkyrie muttered, eyeing the faint rays of the sun that had begun to light up the sky.

"Are you okay?" He asked, his smooth velvety voice was unnaturally soft. 

Valkyrie gave a weak shrug, "Okay, I guess?"

Skulduggery nodded, "Okay is good," He said, "Okay, I can work with." Then he hesitated, "If you do need to talk..." He trailed off before clearing his non-existent throat, "I'll come by in a couple of days and talk to your parents."

He parked about three houses down from Valkyrie's house and got out.

Valkyrie followed suit. They made their way to the side of the house where her room was located on the higher level. 

"How do I get up?" She asked, tilting her head as she looked up.

"Jump," Skulduggery told her. She gave him a confused look but turned and jumped. 

Suddenly, she shot up and reached the ledge. She managed to grab it and pull herself up. She let out a gasp in delight, a wild grin on her face, "You're going to teach me how to do that, right?!"

00000000000

Satya knocked on the apartment door, tapping her fingers against her thigh as she waited. She heard a click and turn and the door swung open.

"Well," She said, tilting her head, "You look like shit."

China Sorrows let out a weak yet tinkling laugh. She was pale, too pale. The only colour on her was the lit up sigils carved into skin, activated as they healed her. "You do know how to make a girl feel special."

She moved to the side so Satya could get in. She took off her coat, tossing it onto the back of an armchair. "Get the bath running," Satya ordered, "If you weren't so stubborn, you would've been healed a day ago."

China didn't move, her arms crossed. She wore a thin, silk black robe that clung to her body that made Satya's breath hitch slightly. 

"Why are you here, Satya?" China asked softly.

Satya put down her bag on a table- her back to China-and dug through it before pulling out one of the healing stones that she had taken from Krenspeckle Grouse, "Bath, today please?"

"Satya." Satya sighed and turned to face her, "Stop being difficult, Sorrows."

China was stubborn, raising an eyebrow, "Answer the question."

Satya sighed, putting down the rock and taking two steps towards her. She brought a hand to China's cheek and brought her lips to hers.

China's lips were soft, molded perfectly to Satya's. China was slightly shorter than Satya. Satya's hand cupping China's chin as they kissed.

One of China's hands made its way to her face, cupping it while her other hooked a finger through the belt loop on Satya's jeans. 

Satya pulled away, her breath quick yet steady, resting her forehead against China's, "Run the goddamn bath."

"Care to join?"

"But of course, dear."

China brought Satya into another kiss, leading her towards her bathroom. Satya pulled away from her momentarily, loosening the silk ribbon that held China's robe together.

It was passionate.

Gentle.

It was something Satya hadn't had in a while.

She let China unbutton her shirt, shrugging it off as she turned to turn on the tap. She let out a moan as China came from behind, her lips on her neck. She held out her hand, feeling the air move to her will, grabbing the healing rock.

Her hand ran through China's hair, something to grip onto reality.

China's robe slipped off and Satya could feel her bare body press against her mostly naked torso. She reached behind, unhooking her bra, "This was a terrible idea."

"I won't tell if you want."

"Deal."

0000000000000

Valkyrie didn’t mind the recuperation period she had been advised to take. After the week she’d just had, a week in which she’d seen wonder and magic and death and destruction, she could do with a little holiday.

Skulduggery Pleasant sat on the windowsill and told her what was happening in the world outside her bedroom. Serpine’s allies had resurfaced and struck, and then vanished again when the news of the sorcerer’s demise had reached them. Serpine’s grand scheme might have failed, but because of it, the Cleavers’ numbers had been decimated, and their duties now stretched them thin.

"How're the others?" Valkyrie asked, putting away some folded clothes.

"They're all fine," Skulduggery answered, "Satya's hosting family dinner this Sunday and wanted to see if you could make it."

Valkyrie blinked, "Oh yeah, sure- I'll talk to my parents."

"Speaking of parents," Skulduggery held up a shirt that he found wedged behind the desk and the wall, "What's the verdict on you learning magic?"

Valkyrie kept a poker face as she grabbed the shirt, sniffing it before wincing.

"Valkyrie." 

She turned to him with a wide grin, "They said yes."

"Good, Robin was starting to get bored," Skulduggery said, his tone bored.

Valkyrie threw the shirt at him. He managed to grab it with lightning speed before it hit his face. 

"Don't try, I know your secretly pleased." He tilted his head, "I will admit, it will be interesting to have a shadow who hangs off my every word- Someone to use my amazing witty jokes on..."

Valkyrie childishly poked her tongue, grabbing the shirt she threw at him and tossing it in the corner by her door.

“What are they going to do about the Council of Elders?”

“Meritorious was a good man, the most powerful Grand Mage we had seen in a long time. The other Elders in Europe are worried about who will fill the vacuum now that he’s gone. The Americans are offering their support, the Japanese are sending delegates to help us wrest back some control, but …”

“It sounds like a lot of people are panicking.”

“And they have a right to. Our systems of power, our systems of self-government, are delicate. If we topple, others will follow. We need a strong leader and it's a good thing Hopeless is around. The only problem is finding people that others like as much as they like him.”

“Why don’t you do it?”

He laughed. “Because I’m not well liked, and I’m not well trusted, and I already have a job. I’m a detective, remember?”

She gave a little shrug. “Vaguely.”

“How are you?” Skulduggery asked, his voice gentle, changing the subject.

“Me? I’m fine.”

“Really? No nightmares?”

“Maybe one or two,” she admitted.

“They’ll always be there, reminding us of where we went wrong. If you pay attention to your bad dreams, they can help you.”

“I’ll be sure to keep that in mind next time I’m asleep.”

“Good,” said Skulduggery. “In any event, get well soon. We have mysteries to solve, and adventures to undertake- And training of course. Lots and lots of training."

"Who's going to train me?"

"Robin and I will manage your magic and Dexter will be doing combat- Tanith has also offered to help out when she can. Satya said she'll pop in when she can be bothered and the others will stop by when they have something to bring to the table."

Valkyrie nodded, "Cool." Then she grinned, "You guys had this all planned out."

Skulduggery shrugged, "You're our first apprentice, we didn't want to screw it up."

She laughed, "Get out, Mum's going to come check on me soon."

“Before I go …”

“Yes?”

“Aren’t you going to show me what you’ve been practicing? You’ve been dying to show off from the moment I knocked on this window.”

She looked at him and arched an eyebrow, but he was right and he knew it. The other good thing about this recuperation period was that she had all the time she wanted to develop her powers, and she hadn’t wasted the few days that had passed already.

She clicked her fingers, summoning a small flame into the palm of her hand. She watched it flicker and dance, then looked up at Skulduggery and grinned.

“Magic,” he said.


	17. The End

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ayyy it's the last chapter!! I can't believe I actually finished book one in less than three weeks. I'm going to be honest, I started writing with no real plan in mind and now that I've finished I have some good ideas on what to do for the next few books so if I continue not having a social life then I should probably get the series done by the end of the year lmao. Anyway, have some domestic happiness to finish off.

Skulduggery knocked on the front door of the Edgleys'. 

After a few moments, Melissa opened the door, "Oh- Mr Pleasant," She greeted with a tight smile, "Steph hasn't been keeping still for the past hour. She's in a room," She said with a laugh, "I actually wanted to talk to you for a minute."

Skulduggery raised his hands, in a gesture to go on, "I'm all ears," He said before tilting his disguised skull, "Figuratively, of course."

Melissa relaxed, letting out a laugh before letting him in.

"What's on your mind?" Skulduggery asked, as they reached the living room, taking a seat at her offer. 

"With Stephanie learning magic in the city, Desmond and I were thinking about moving closer," She confessed, "He has buildings in the city so it wouldn't be hard for him to move but for Stephanie and I-"

"I understand," Skulduggery said with a nod, his sunglasses hiding his expression, "And I do believe Hopeless - who you haven't met yet and is the new Grand Mage - was actually going to come and visit you regarding that."

Melissa gave him a questioning look.

"It recently came up that the Sanctuary is short of an Administrator," Skulduggery offered, "And he knew that you had a lot of experience in officework. This would be just that- Just a bit more interesting."

Melissa blinked, "Oh, wow," She let out a nervous laugh, "I guess I should wait for his visit, then."

Skulduggery nodded before standing up, "We better get going- Satya gets quite annoyed if we're late."

"A woman after my own heart," Melissa joked with an easy smile. She seemed less tense. "Stephanie!" She called, "Skulduggery's here!"

Immediately, Skulduggery heard the thudding of the girl rushing down the stairs.

Then suddenly he heard a crash, "Ow!"

He nodded, "Sounds about right."

00000000000

Skulduggery didn't bother knocking, he just opened the door and went in. Valkyrie followed him in.

"Valkyrie's here!" She heard Saracen yell from the kitchen.

"And what am I?" Skulduggery asked, amusement in his tone, "A bag of bones?"

"Hilarious," Ghastly said, "Hey, Val." Valkyrie waved, glad to see that he looked as fit as ever, no evidence of his scuffle with the White Cleaver present.

The kitchen was a whirlwind of activity. Satya's kitchen bench was covered in a light blue cloth, flat, round pieces of dough lay on it.

The room smelt like curry, and boy, did it smell good. Valkyrie's face flushed as her stomach grumbled- loudly. 

Satya was standing behind the bench, a rolling pin in hand as she rolled out the dough. She laughed, "Glad someone's hungry," She said with a grin, "How've you been?"

Valkyrie shrugged, walking over to the island. Saracen wore a bright pink apron that had 'Kiss the cook' printed on it, his own rolling pin in hand. Unlike Satya's dough which was perfectly round, his were looking more like Australia's.

Dexter stood at the stove, cooking the dough on a flat pan, Erkskine next to him, stirring the contents of two pots.

Satya turned to watch what they were doing before yelping, "Vex! I prefer my  _Rotli_ not burnt!" She exclaimed, about to whack him with the rolling pin.

He dodged her, "Calm down- I've been doing this for sixteen years." He flipped the  _rotli_ expertly with his hand.

Satya muttered something under her breath, causing Valkyrie to laugh. 

Across the room, Hopeless sat next to Ghastly on the sofa, Anton on his other side. Robin sat on the floor, his head resting on Anton's knees as he shuffled cards, "Hey, Cain," He grinned wickedly, "Ready for a game?"

Valkyrie grinned back, sitting down in an armchair across from him, "Ready to beat you."

Dexter whistled, "The girl has game!" He called. Robin narrowed his eyes, flinging his hair dramatically behind his shoulder, "Let's see if you're all talk."

Skulduggery sat in the other armchair, next to Ghastly, "This should be interesting."

After three games of snap, four of speed and two rounds of go-fish, Valkyrie was declared the winner. Robin just pouted and threw the deck of cards at her with no real effort. Valkyrie laughed as she ducked, the cards falling flat onto the floor. 

"Dinner's ready!" Satya called, "Clean up your mess, Larrikin."

Robin poked his tongue at her childishly but did so anyway. Valkyrie got up and followed Hopeless and Ghastly to the island where Satya and Saracen had placed all the food out in bowls and pots. Skulduggery just observed from the armchair, his hat sitting on his lap. Anton stood, waiting behind for Robin.

Dexter handed her a plate, "Dig in," He told her with a grin, "And make sure you take enough for seconds otherwise you won't get anymore then what you get now."

Valkyrie took the plate, biting her lip as she surveyed the food. It smelt so good but she had no idea what it was - or how to eat it. Hopeless somehow knew what was going on in her head and pointed at the rice, "Take some of that and then pile the curry or  _dhal_ on." He gestured to the sizzling lamb curry and a pot of yellow lentils. She decided on the curry and waited for him to take out his own food. "Then grab a couple of  _rotli."_

Satya passed her the flat bread that she had been making with Dexter and Saracen. Valkyrie thanked her and put it on her plate. "Don't eat too much, though," The woman warned, "Hopeless made desert." 

Valkyrie followed Hopeless back to the sitting area and sat back in her armchair. Skulduggery surveyed her plate critically before nodding, "She hasn't lost her touch, three hundred years later."

"Can you smell it?"

"Nope."

"Then how can you tell?"

Skulduggery tilted his head, "I'm a detective. I detect things."

Valkyrie shrugged before digging in, "Oh my god."

"Good?"

"Amazing."

"Glad you think so," Satya said with a grin, her plate full as she plopped onto the sofa next to Hopeless. Valkyrie heard Dexter swear and turned to see him and Robin glaring at each other over the last of the lentils. Erkskine dodged the two's glare-fest and sat down on the floor at Hopeless' feet.

"Boys, please," Satya groaned. Valkyrie turned and watched as Satya expertly tore a piece of her bread off and picked up the curry with it before putting it in her mouth. 

"You'll have to get used to eating without a spoon," Hopeless told her, "Satya's letting you off easy today."

Satya shrugged, "You have to have the full Indian experience."

Dexter sat down next to Satya, grumbling about his lack of  _dhal,_ only to receive a wack from her, "Jesus, woman! Stop trying to beat me up!" He exclaimed, shielding his plate from any danger.

"Behave," Satya said simply with a glare, "We're supposed to be showing Valkyrie that we're mature, capable adults."

Valkyrie snorted at the same time Skulduggery coughed. 

"My god," Robin let out a mock gasp as he sat down on the floor again, "There's two of them. I don't think I like this- Next thing we know, Cain will be complaining about dust on her suits."

Valkyrie grinned at that, "Make sure you intervene when I start talking to my car."

"I am wounded," Skulduggery said dryly, "Really- I came here to spend time with my family and instead I get ganged up on."

Family. Valkyrie watched for the next few minutes and realised that was what the Dead Men were. A family. 

The fact that there was no threat of war hanging over them had brought out their true selves and Valkyrie had helped make that happen, she realised. The dynamic in the group was filled with happiness and warmth. There was the mock teasing and inside jokes that you saw among siblings and best friends. Small, simple yet loving gestures like Satya reaching to fix Robin's hair or Saracen getting up and doing the dishes without being asked.

But then there were the more intimate moments that Valkyrie noticed. Like between Anton and Robin. As the evening slowly bled into night, she watched as Robin rest his head against the gist-user's shoulder, almost missing the moment where he pressed a quick kiss onto the top of his head. 

She spotted Dexter watching Satya almost wistfully, his eyes soft as he watched her laugh at something Ghastly had said before coming back to reality and answering a question that Erkskine had asked him.

 

It felt like the end of an era. The end of war.

Little did Valkyrie know that this was only the beginning.

The beginning of the Dead Men's war.


End file.
